Gail (gailmarie) wrote,

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How I long to fall just a little bit, to dance out of the lines and stray from the light...

One part of me feels like there is so much going on, so much on my "to-do" list.

And then the other part thinks, "it's all in your head."

And it's true that more and more things are going on in my head, for lack of an outlet, but I do have a rather sound to-do list but it involves things like calling advisors and that's boring and a hastle, so I avoid the subject.

Last night I lay awake for over an hour thinking. I was in a very honest mood...the kind I get in when I'm either too tired or too drunk to care what I say. But I couldn't get to sleep so I played out potential conversations and scenarios, of which none will ever really happen.

Eventually I got up and tried to figure out a schedule of classes for next semester, but quickly realized that depends on meeting with the two advisors I have yet to set up appointments with, so I returned to bed defeated.

My dad comes into town next Saturday. I'm excited to see him, my mother is not (of course). So she keeps making off-handed, abnoxious comments, which bothers me to no end, but I'd never tell her to stop. She's convinced me to stay the weekend there again, which is partly because I think she wants a buffer. Moron.

I look like a beach bum today. I'm a combination of tan and burn from yesterday sitting at the beach for 2 hours, but it's kinda nice. That and I recently made my hair a lighter auburn-ish brown, and then this weekend my aunt Judy put in a bunch of chunky, super blond highlights. I should be living in The OC.

I'm tired and would seriously consider skipping class, except that I only have one, and it's only 50 really, why bother NOT going? Clearly, I am not a college student, because most of the delinquents of my age would have the reverse psychology...

My birthday is coming up. Like...really soon. 40 days. And then I'm 21, and everything will change, and nothing will change. It will be like turning 16 and being able to drive. Once the initial thrill wears off, it's something that a majority of the population can do and is no longer a special trait. But at the same time, it will become second driving or going to R-rated movies...I can order drinks. Big deal?

But 21 seems old. Well, not by itself.'s pretty young. But then comes 22 and 23. And those are like...people out of college and into the real world. And before you know it, your 25, which in the abstract is still young, but in the analysis, many people begin to settle down and organize their lives at 25. Find a husband/wife, buy a house, have a job, think about kids. AHHHHHH!

21...getting so close to the external expectations of what a life should be.

Well, I should be getting to class. Because it starts in a little under an hour, and unlike most college kids my age, I like to be there at least 15 minutes early. Asses.

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