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Resisting urge to burst out in tears.


Tonight went fine. Fine in that way that women always use it. "Yes. I'm fine." Fine with that little emphasis at the end. Short. Bitter.

"What do you mean I seem agitated? I'm fine."


I don't know. We rehearsed and it was alright. I feel like I've completely lost my character. I don't know if I should be funny or sincere. I don't know if my subtext is playing or if I'm just reciting lines. It feels like it's falling apart.

Though I felt like I separated my lines more today, and had better diction. It still wasn't good. But it was getting there.

And we had so many breaks. But short ones. 45 minutes here, 30 minutes there. I got a little bit of homework done. Half of my econ reading, and my English journal entry. But I still need to do the Foreign Policy article that I fucked up for today. I got the second 1/3 done...since I had about 1/3 done for class today.


But urg! The Past (my main cast) was dismissed at 7:30 while the Present went to start teching. I'm not in the present for my 5 line scene until about Scene 7 but Carl wanted me to stay. By the time we ended...we had only gotten through 4 scenes. So that was an extra 90 minutes that I could have been at home.

And I had lost all concentration by then. I couldn't do my homework, and sitting made me antsy. I kept getting up and wandering through the spaces. I wanted to go home. I wanted to nap. I wanted to cry. I wanted to do something...anything at all.


*sigh*

And Zoe is upset, because she doesn't have a prom date. We assumed that it would be Patty, but now apparently he is going to ask Nikki. And things have gotten really messy, really quickly.

I wish I could make everything better. I wish I could make everyone happy. I wish I could make everything make sense. And it frustrates me that I can't.

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