So I was given the big ol' shaft today. Which if I think too much about it, really hurts and bursts a great deal of my self-esteem...but I've found that I don't care enough to let it do that.
First, there was Rob. He was acting kinda sketchy when I asked him what was up for tonight and then said that who he was hanging out with wanted to be "exclusive".
Rob: oh good.... so here's the deal with tonight
Rob: im hangin out with a few people and they want to just make it a small group. thats why im being a putz, and im sorry
Gail: Aww...that's sad for Gail :-(
Rob: i figured, but i figured id make you sadder if i just didnt tell you
Gail: that's actually true and i really don't care :-)
So that was alright. I figured he was in a group with Steph, Kate and Lizzie, or something. But I'm not really friends with them. For a little bit I thought it might be the boys who were sick of me being around or something, and wanted me out for a night. And that was slightly sad.
But then Phatty IMed me to remind me to vote! And this came out...[The first part about voting is left in for comic relief. See? I am funny!!]
Gail: I will. But I don't know what I'm doing! I've never done this before! What if I fuck it up like those old jewish women in Florida?
Pat: I wouldn't be surprised
Pat: actually, please do that, so I can make fun of you for it
Gail: You're evil. What are you doing tonight?
Gail: Are you one of the "I'm with Rob and the private party but we want to keep it small so Gail's getting the shaft"?
Pat: rob john charlie nikki and I are gonna go bowling then go to robs house
Huh. Well, there's an interesting plot twist. Let's keep in mind that Nikki and I have been really good friends for 7 years. Or well, we had been until last summer when she got pissed at me for whatever reason and started telling other people that she thought I was a bitch.
Gail: Well, I know she thinks I'm a bitch...and I think it's mostly because last summer, she didn't get invited along to many of the outings (like the ones we had everyday), and she figured it was my fault because I(?) was in charged of inviting people(?) everyday(?) and no one else is at fault cause it wasn't them doing it
She is horribly irrational sometimes. And we haven't really been on speaking terms since she decided not to like me. And it hasn't really effected me much. I just think she's being silly.
THEN! The straw to break the camel's back and to cement the fact that it wasn't a "small group" that they were after.
We go to Zoe's for a snack after me voting, cause I deserved it. ;-) And Zoe has a message on her machine.
It's Nikki. Inviting her to hang out with everyone tonight. Zoe was like "Uh...I haven't hung out with her in about 6 months", so it's not like this was normal. So Zoe called her back and said...very nicely and very intentionally...that she was seeing a movie with her parents and then hanging out with me all night.
I love my Zoe. And I definitely love my Zack. Because they decided to hang out with me tonight, despite the fact that everyone seemed to have turned their backs.
And Zack was really nice about it, and paid me several complements just now about how I'm a really good person, and deserve happiness in life, and that I treat people really well. And it was just really nice. Literally, the nicest things anyone has ever said to me...EVER.
I think I sometimes take for granted the friends I have.
And Rob felt really badly about the whole thing. He said he didn't want to take sides since he's friends with both of us, but he thought she was being strange and really didn't understand. He's a good guy too.
So that was that. I say that I don't really care (because I really don't feel as though I mind much)...but the fact that I've told a lot of people the story, and felt compelled to write about it in detail leads me to believe that it hurts deep down, where I'm trying not to let it get to me.
It's like Catcher in the Rye where he says on the first page that his parents don't influence him (or something), but the fact that he mentions is right away shows that they do. Or The Great Gatsby where Nick begins by explaining that he's unbiased, and then passes a judgment in the next sentence, using an "in my opinion" statement.
So yeah. Maybe it hurts more than I let on. But I have friends who love me, so there. :-p