Gail (gailmarie) wrote,

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Put yourself in my place and you won't know why that I feel the way that I do inside

Today has been interesting.

I was really tired. Apparently I was extremely bitchy and rude to Eric this morning, so he and Carl made fun of me during Company. Then I was apparently really bitchy to Caitlin later.

The funny part?

I don't remember what I said at either occurrence. And I only vaguely remember it happening. Heh.

So I slept through school. Essentially.

And for most of crew I was on an errand to buy nails. Saw my aunt Joanie...the extremely judgmental mega-bitch. Told her I was buying stuff for stage crew and her response was "'re involved in that?" ARG!! Flames!

Went to dinner at Chipotle after around 6. There were quite a few of us, but at 8:20 when we left (closing the restaurant, which had shut it's doors at 8), it was just Eric, Zoe and I. Zoe and I came back here to watch Playing By Heart.

Greatest movie ever. Not one of those cheesy romantic comedies. But it's also not a great love story of unrealistic proportions. It's just like a normal story. Except that everything ends happily (for the most part). BUT! It's normal. The dialogue isn't flooded with mushy crap. It's so REAL.

- I gave myself a manicure and pedicure while watching the film.

- I'm definitely not doing homework tonight.

- Today I thought a lot about the following:
coincidence vs. fate
who is important in my life

- Eric mentioned during dinner having a sun.

The meaning of which being a person who is at the center of your world. And I realized that my "sun" makes me feel awkward. Not because of anything he does or says...because I love him dearly and he's as best a friend as I have. But he has this feeling around him. A stigma, or a karma, maybe.

People hold him in strange regard and he's popularized in a cult-ish way. It's odd and a bit creepy sometimes. And it makes me feel like my relationship with him is something that a lot of people share. Or maybe not the relationship so much as the situation. I feel as though he is a lot of peoples' "sun".

It makes me wish that he wouldn't be who he is. And it makes me wish that what I have with him is more special. And he's the type of person who I can't tell who his REALLY good friends are, or who is just someone he talks to on occasion or shared a music stand with in band.

Blarg. I wish I knew. But I hate asking things like that. Especially now, because I feel like I've seen him so much this week, and talked to him so much...that I'm being overbearing. I feel like I need to step back, but at the same time I realize that he's only here until Sunday (less than 3 more days) and I want to see him as much as possible. I want to talk to him as much as possible. Because I miss him when he's not around.

But when he comes back, he's flooded with people who adore him and admire him, or whatever. And I feel selfish if I ask to take the spotlight for a minute. And that sucks. Because he's the best friend I have right now.

I spoke to his mom briefly at the Chorus Concert on Wednesday and she said "You should have kicked him out last night, he was there so late! He must have kept you up." I told her that I didn't mind, and that I would have been up anyway. "I'm glad you two are such good buddies." And it was cute because I love his mother, and she's the sweetest woman ever. And that made me feel happy that yes...we are really good friends.

I just wish sometimes that he would need me as much as I need him.


My tummy hurts.

I'm so cold.

I'm tired.

But tomorrow begins Spring Break. And that will be nice. And I will be grateful.

I need a change. I need a break. I need a haircut.

You're setting me up but I'm letting you down this time

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