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I just got a nose-bleed. I swear to god, I haven't had one of these in ages. It wasn't hard, or long or any of that. Just...odd. Because I used to get them a lot when I was little. (And by a lot...probably once every few months.) Weird.

Today was odd though.

Not really what I did...but the feelings I had toward it all. Like I climbed into the shower today because I couldn't think of anything better to do. And so I decided I'd head to the mall. Something I could do solo...and just be at peace with my uber-mopey self.

So I went to the wall. You know that feeling when you assume everyone knows what's going on in your life, just by looking at you? Like everyone could pin-point you and say "oh, her uncle's in the hospital. ICU...she doesn't seem too optimistic" or "oops, there goes another broken heart". Oh no, not broken. Just fractured...badly.

And I suppose to a certain extent people can tell. Maybe not the specifics, but you know. I was walking with Eric last night...he and his friend Jon escorted me the 8 blocks to my car after the show. We had stood around talking for a while, and waited to see Jason for a bit, then left.
Eric: So where's your mind, since it obviously isn't here.
Me: What...oh... Everywhere, I suppose.

So I went shopping. I guess that's where the story goes next. Used a $15 money card at American Eagle and bought sandals. In hopes for warmer weather...I suppose. Though it did start snowing again today.

And at Hallmark, I bought two birthday cards. One for Melissa because her party was tonight. The other for my cousin Stephanie, which I plan to write in and send to her because her birthday's on Wednesday. I also got a Gold Crown Card, because why not?

Then I hit Express and used half of my $30 gift card on a sweater. Like my blue one that I got recently and adore...except it's white and was on mega sale. Got 15% off by applying for a credit card too. Oh, so now I have an Express Card with a $150 limit. I don't plan on using it, because I still don't even have a checking account and have no way to pay for things I put on credit.

Then it was too early. And I didn't want to go home.

So I went to Cici's and hung out with her, the kids and the cats. We played a couple games, and I picked up a book to start reading. The third Harry Potter...not too bad. Read the first 5 chapters. At 6, she made dinner, and I left at 7. Staying about 6 and a half hours and probably wearing out my welcome...but I didn't have anything to come home to earlier.

Melissa's party was at 8, so I got home with enough time to call and have Allie pick me up in her carpool. They were going to an ice rink to play broomball. Broomball and I have never quite gotten along as it is, and the fact that I have a broken foot and sat outside the rink for an entire hour, freezing my ass off cause I wasn't moving made it SO much better. Whatever. Damage was done. Nothing I could do to stop it.

After, we decided to go back to Amanda's and watch the DVD of Crossroads that I had rented. It was a girls only party...

Got home around 1:15.

I just haven't been myself the past couple of days and when I try to figure out why...it just make me sad. Because I have so many reasons, I just don't feel like they should make me feel like I do. Oh well, whatever. There's nothing I can do about it.

Church tomorrow, again. Fuck. Have to wake up at 8:15. After, I'm coming home and have to organize with the people I have Evita tickets for, because the show's at 2, and we'll have to leave by 12:30. After, we're going to Rob's for a Superbowl Party. Oh, tickle me excited.

Monday there is no school, but we have an all day crew session...9-4. Feck me.

If I think of anything else, I'll be back. I don't see myself going to bed so soon.

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July 2008


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