Gail (gailmarie) wrote,

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And it hurts to want everything and nothing at the same time

Happy New Year!!!

Much love to you all and I hope your days and nights were fabulous.

And now mine.

I had fun. Things were good. Or at least I think they were.

About an hour into the party, I went up to Allie's room and napped for an hour. Anti-social much? And out of the 20-ish people there, about 7 were definitely people that I didn't want to be there. And then there was the thought "Well, if those two just leave, I could probably deal with the rest of them." But of course, "those two" didn't leave and it ended up making me feel horribly uncomfortable later.

Then it got to be about 11 and we watched the ball drop and waited until 11:45 when Goo Goo Dolls took the stage at House of Blues and rang in the New Year with a televised John Rzeznik and a bunch of confetti, noise makers, and sparking cider. Yum.

Things picked up and I got back to my normal crazy self. We had a lot of fun laughing and watching people do stupid stuff. The guys made a movie (which should be up on John's site later) about girls sounding like chickens when we all talk at once. It's really REALLY funny.

The party started to settle around 3, and by 4 everyone was in pajamas and sleeping bags, sitting around on the floor. At 4:30 the lights went out, and by 5...most of the talking and laughing has stopped and people started sleeping.

I was horribly wired and not sleepy at all, so while everyone else decided to be quiet and go to sleep, I stayed up for another hour. Thinking and worrying and it was a VERY odd turn of events. "Those two" were sleeping wretchedly close to me and I became so completely uncomfortable that I basically started to have a nice little breakdown, in the middle of a crowded room. 13 people sleeping on one floor, and I felt alone and unloved. I started crying...hopefully silently as to not disturb those others who hadn't made it to sleep in that hour. But I know at least one person heard. Because he asked me if something was wrong. "No, I'm fine." "You're lying." "Yeah well..." "What's wrong?" "Everything." "Go to'll feel better in the morning."

He turned away and I started crying again. A little harder, silently, but my body was shaking. He turned back. "Give me a 30 second summary of what's wrong." Silence. "Your 30 seconds starts now." "I don't know. I guess there's this lyric that's been going through my mind...'It hurts to want everything and nothing at the same time.'" "That made absolutely no sense to me, but I'm getting it did to you. Go to bed."

So I sat awake some more. Staring at the damn clock display that was 6 hours off on the DVD player. Just staring. And feeling horrible. So I tried sleep.

Went to bed around 6. Woke up at 8...stayed up for a half-hour, went back to bed and work up at 10. 3 and a half hours of sleep. Fun.

We all woke up and had breakfast. There was a lot of tiredness and some more fun and laughing. I ended up getting beaten (hit very hard and violently either on the shoulder or back) about 15-20 times. Most of them were crippling pain, but I suppose it's my fault. Pat hates when I say "ow ow!" to a sexual innuendo and it's trying to get me to stop. So anytime I say it (which is often, as it is second nature to me now), he hits me. And if he can't get to me, then John, Charlie or Jason will do it for me. I suppose I must be taught, but my arms are sore this morning.
[EDIT: Oh, and I think I ROYALLY screwed up my foot when trying to run away from him at a couple points in the night. Dumb bitch, DON'T RUN WITH A FUCKING BROKEN FOOT!!! It hurts a lot. When I woke up in the middle of the night last night, it hurt so badly that I wanted to go home. But I couldn't. Because I was too lazy and for other reasons.]

I decided to leave around 12:15. Surprising to most, I wasn't the last one out. Sillies.

And that's all for my New Year. I don't believe in making resolutions because they only wind up being a disappointment when they don't happen, so. There.

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