I'm home. And so tired. But I can't seem to bring myself to actually go to bed.
STUNTS went well. It's hard to believe that it's all over. I worked so hard for so long on that show...and it's done. Eric keeps saying that it's the best STUNTS he's ever been a part of. I know that's a huge complement. Because it is largely my show. But it's weird. Things felt really disconnected. And it did mean a lot to me. I cried tonight when I was giving my final speech, and got choked up as the show was ending. But something about it wasn't right. I feel as though there is still unfinished business.
And I was slightly offended at not receiving a gift. I was talking with Mary and Bridgette last night. It used to be tradition that the cast (troupes, crews, bands, whatever you want to call the groups) bought the board t-shirts with their positions on them. They said how their year on Board, they didn't get the shirts which were such precedent and it sucked. They got some bag of shitty candy. Well, I didn't receive anything. The Musical Theatre Troupe got Carly and Katie gifts.
And really, I don't care about not getting a present. It's like the Secret Turkey thing. I don't care about the gift. I care about the idea and thought behind it. The fact that no one thought I was important enough to give anything to...it just hurts. I worked my ass off, and I would like a bit of appreciation.
I guess that's what tonight was missing. Before tonight, I thought I was doing a good job. I thought I had connected with the band, crew, Original STUNTS and Musical Theatre Troupe. But now I feel unimportant. I feel ignored, disrespected and isolated. Lonely. I always end up feeling lonely.
In the middle of a party with 140 of the people that I have been working hard to create this show...and I felt completely alone. Months of work boiled down to nothing.
Something just doesn't sit well, and I need it to. I can't remember this as a STUNTS that sucked. I need to remember it as a major accomplishment and a test of my abilities.
Tomorrow I'm going with Zoe to the Art Institute. I need to be up at 9, so we can leave at 10 and get home around 3.
And my sister graduated today. Haven't heard anything from that. I was going to call before the show, but I was too busy.
Don't know when the parents are coming home, but it will be sometime tomorrow.
Come on, Gail. Be happy. Be content with the show you made. Be happy with the friends you have. Realize how lucky you are. Pull yourself out of this rut. You don't need it.