Gail (gailmarie) wrote,

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Can there be a different ending to the same old story?


Mood swings suck.

I was fine before. Then things started getting not fine and I saw it coming. I've been so good the past few days too. I've been happy and cheerful. I guess everything that was looming over me before is still there, and I can't just put if off. I have to deal with it.

Camping: If you've been paying attention, we have no site. So I would like to still go, as would Jason and Charlie. At least try. Go somewhere and see what they say. Pack it all up and chance it.

Candace doesn't think it's smart. Amanda probably won't either. I don't know what Allie will think.

Eww. I guess what upsets me the most is that I've put so much into this. I've been planning shit forever. I've dealt with crap from every direction. I've received bitchy emails and people saying my idea was stupid for whatever reason. And finally, things were paying off. Things were working out. Things were going to be good.

And then we find out that we have too many people for the place we wanted, and only one legal adult among us, who isn't old enough to be a guardian.


Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

It's so incredibly upsetting. I want to go. I do.

August and Everything After: Appropriately titled because it's August now. Which means that school starts in 5 weeks from today. Wednesday, September 5th. Between now and then, I have meetings and things aplenty to keep myself busy.

And college.

I have friends who have their applications filled out. They are working on their essays. They know where they want to go. Have at least obtained applications.

I haven't. I don't know where I want to go. And I'm so restricted by cost that it almost doesn't matter where I visit, or apply, or get accepted to. I'm going to have very few options.

But I need to plan visits. I need to go on a massive roadtrip with my mother and check out a bunch of places that I probably can't go to, and attempt to decide what I'm doing with my life. And schedule all this during a time when it won't interfere with social plans I've made, or meetings I need to attend, and probably not so much work for Mama to take off.

Stress is annoying. Life is annoying. Crying is annoying. Sleeping is annoying. There is very little I'd like to actually do right now, and those things I do, are mostly impossible.


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