Gail (gailmarie) wrote,

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Leave me lying here, cause I don't wanna go

My thoughts on future planning: (it's plaguing my mind, so I figure I should put it down on paper...or well, you know)

Things change. Drastically and often. People change minds, events change people. [Note: this is apparently very cryptic, I'm sorry.]

It's human nature to change. I remember in elementary school, we used to have this publishing thing, where if you wrote a story, you could have it typed up, then go to draw pictures for it. It got bound in a little book that was all your own and the covers were all colorful and cool. It was the best. And in the back, there was an "About the Author" page, where you'd sit down with one of the PTO mothers who put all this together and tell them things about yourself and they would type you up a page to put in the book. Well, one of the questions was "What do you want to be when you grow up?" I published about 4 books in my 6 years at that school, and I think I had 3 different future professions. Sure, I was young and I didn't know what I wanted to be, but how is that different from now? I still don't know what I want to be. I know what I will most likely become, but that's different. And I've mentioned that a lot. The boundaries put on a person.

So who's to say that once I get to college, I'm going to stay there? I may switch schools. I may switch majors. I may make friend and lose some. Things change, and I think it's stupid to assume that things will be the same.

I can't say where I will be in 10 years, or even 5. In 5 years, I should have just finished my Senior year of college, and will be beginning my real grown-up life. That doesn't mean it will definitely happen. What if somewhere in there, we win the lottery and I spend a year traveling the world? What if I end up needing to take a 5th year to fulfill extra requirements, or to space out the class loads though the years? Life is completely unpredictable, and things can change at the drop of a hat. I've experienced that. I've seen fate at it's worst and I know enough not to trust that anything will go as planned.

Have I planned out my wedding? Nope. Do I know how many kids I want to have? No. I can't plan these things because I don't even know if I want to get married or have kids. I don't know what I'll end up doing with my life. Maybe I won't become a teacher. Maybe I'll be in a job that requires me to move every 2 years. That would completely change my agenda. How does one build a family when they aren't in a stable environment?

So I take things as they come. I don't assume that things will happen because I've been told they will. I wait it out. I don't jump ahead of fate. I think it would be pretty sad if my life didn't make a radical change somewhere along the way, and so I live in the moment. Tomorrow doesn't matter as long as you enjoy today.

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