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What's wrong with me?

Geez, I didn't journal at all today. Sure, I had my late last night entries, but that doesn't count.

Last night, Candace and I went for dinner at Panera (yum) and then went to Lindsay's to hang. Huge thunderstorm hit, and Candace and I played pool while Lindsay was thankful she wasn't alone. She hates storms. Lewis came, then Elliott a little later. Basically, we just played pool the entire night. Candace had to leave at 11 for curfew, and the rest of us watched American Pie. It gets a little better every time. I hated it the first time, found it barely tolerable the second, and now, I see a bunch of the funny stuff. There's still a lot that I don't find amusing at all, but oh well. It's a movie about sex, what do you expect?

Tonight, I was told it was going to be a dinner with me and my 4 siblings. Yea, good, I like my siblings. The 5 of us have fun together. Then it turns out it's a whole family thing. Parents, niece and brother's girlfriend included. Yuck. No offense to Zoe or Katy, but I would prefer no parents. It made me wish I had made other plans so I wouldn't have to go. Because there were 9 of us (just a regular family dinner around my house), we sat at two different tables. Chris got screwed over, being stuck with the parents and Zoe, but the rest of us were at another table. It was okay.

I'm beginning to feel a lot like the black sheep of the family. Not a good feeling. Especially since I have another 6 years of living at home. At least in 2 years, I'll be off at college. Where, I don't know. My mom is pushing (and frankly expecting) me to go to a state school, but I really really don't want to. I have two years though, so I really shouldn't panic now.

My sister moves back down to school tomorrow. I'll be living with just my parents again. When my oldest sister moved out in May, I was totally freaked about living alone with them, but luckily Fayanne was coming home a few weeks later. Now, it's a significantly longer time. I'm really not looking forward to it. The were a little angry with the "curfew" thing (especially coming home at 3:30 on Wednesday). I really don't care though. Honestly, they can be mad at me all they want, as long as I can find something to do every night to keep me far away, then I'm good.

Mommy still hasn't done anything about the money thing. I wanted to go to the bank today, so she could switch the account to only my name. That way, I get an ATM card and don't have to wait to deposit or withdraw money on Saturdays when she's home. She won't be home tomorrow, so I guess I'll have to wait until the 11th before that will happen. Arg! *screams inside head*

I hate being treated like a child. She yells at me if I don't take Zoe outside during the day. Today was the first day that it wasn't over 100 degrees out, it was actually a beautiful 72 all day. So I told Zoe we were going to go out an play. You'd think I was pulling teeth. I had to threaten her to make her go outside. I told her if she didn't stop whining, we would stay out for 35 minutes, instead of just 30. I feel like a bad person when I do it, but if mom asks what we did today, and I say Zoe played video games (like she wanted to do), she gets mad at me. Mothers can suck a lot sometimes. God, she makes me feel like shit sometimes.

Geez, this wasn't supposed to be a depressing entry. Not at all even, but here I am, crying in front of this stupid glowing screen. I hate crying. I do it far to often. *another scream in my head, slightly quieter than the last, more agitated*

A bunch of my friends (the graduated ones) are downtown tonight with Eric. I really wish I was with them, but Eric doesn't hang out with students unless it's for school purposes, like Crew outings and such. It sucks, cus he's so fun to be around. And it means that Elliott, Lewis, Jenny, and Lindsay are all out for the night.

After getting back from dinner, I went with my sister to her apartment. I picked up ice cream on the way (Ben and Jerry's of course). From this day on, I swear off all ice cream. The wedding is in 3 weeks, and I ate an entire pint of Chocolate Fudge Brownie. I can't be doing that. It's so bad, and I really should be eating better. I could definitely stand to loose a few pounds (20-30 would be nice). Blah, now I just feel fat. Great, went from depressing to huge. I should stop now, before I go to something really bad.

Concerts...this always cheers me up. Tomorrow morning, tickets for Five For Fighting at the House of Blues goes on sale. It's an all ages show, and even though it's after school starts, it's on a Friday night. I'll have to stop by Dominick's tomorrow to pick up a couple tickets. NSYNC in Indiana is less than a week away, Dexter Freebish is less than two weeks, and Barenaked Ladies is two weeks from today. Sooo happy! I love concerts soooo much. My sister and I are even talking about seeing Brit when she tours (I think BBMak is opening for her...there are always ulterior motives). I'm ending this before it gets bad again. Night all!


::My Music::
*Long Day (live w/ extra verse) - Matchbox 20
*Daughter - Pearl Jam
*November Rain - Guns 'n Roses
*I Thought She Knew - NSYNC
*Interstate Love Song - Stone Temple Pilots
*Everybody Hurts - REM [yeah, tell me about it]
*I Wanna Come Over - Melissa Etheridge
*My Favorite Mistake - Sheryl Crow

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