Gail (gailmarie) wrote,

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I can feel so unsexy for someone so beautiful. I can feel so boring for someone so interesting

So ignorant for someone of sound mind...

Bah. Big bah. Like BAH! No more like...BAAAHHH!!!

That's how I feel. Like shit. I knew it was coming. I can sense these things now. I know myself. It just bothers me that it happens so damn often.

I snapped at Nikki today too. I like Nikki. I have no problems with Nikki. I would rather have bitched out Caitlin, but I didn't.


"Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a harder battle." - Plato.

Words to live by. I just wish others would.

My math teacher asked if I was okay today. Ha! I'll start at the beginning, because it's sort of a story.

Okay, so I have Theatre 6th period. It was great. I did my monologue and felt like I nailed it. It was fantastic, and Zach was all proud of me. He's so cute.

So I was feeling really good. Like, walking down the hall with a smile and feeling incredible. Then it started to hit me, and I knew it. I KNEW it.

I don't remember much of French, other than walking in and being slapped in the face by what would be the "straw to break the camel's back". Caitlin. Complaining about college and tech or whatever. Then other people start talking. Georgetown this, and Harvard that. Even if I *could* get in to these schools, I wouldn't be able to afford that. I wouldn't even want to, but it's the principle of it, I guess. I'm going to end up at Madison, or Indiana, or Iowa, or if I can't avoid it like the plague, Eastern Illinois University. Nothing wrong with these schools. Any of them. They are fine schools. Great even. And everyone and their family goes there. And I want out. I want to leave the Midwest. I love the area...will probably spend the rest of my life here, no matter how much I want to live on the Ocean. No, I'm picking the furthest place from it. No matter, I still want at least 4 years where I'm not surrounded by the over-privileged, under-appreciatory upper-middle class suburban area we call the "North Shore". I need to get away. I need a break. Thank god for Spring Break.

Sorry, that was tangential. After French, I'm feeling like shit. And angry and have all of ^that^ running through my head. So in Calculus, I basically start going loopy. Crazy and laughing and all that.
Gasper: Gail, are you okay?
Me: I'm just great!
Gasper: Because that was definitely the maniacal laughter of someone loosing it.
Me: Oh, you have no idea.

*sighs* Things will get better. They always do. But first they will get worse. *braces self*

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