Gail (gailmarie) wrote,

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We all falter. Does it matter?

Another standing ovation. Another great show. I'm really excited for my family to come the next two nights. *crosses fingers and hopes for the best*

And Allie bought me a flower. This is my 11th show (first as a cast member). Family has come to all 11 and I don't think I've ever gotten a flower. (now that I think about it...I may have once Freshman year). I love my best friend!!

It was a good night. And I can actually sort of pin-point where it went bad, but that's besides the point. As I was leaving...I wanted to start crying. I still do. I probably will. I shouldn't let one certain person make me feel like this, but I do, and blame myself completely.

And I'm such a slacker. I've had the past three weeks to fill out an application for National Honors Society...and it's due tomorrow. I just started it today. I honestly don't know if I can get in. I have the grades. I think my teacher recommendations will be good, but....I don't know. I feel like I'm not involved enough. Even though I am. But I could do more. And I could also be killing myself with work.

And I'm slacking off in school. But I'm still doing most of the work. I need to concentrate more, I think. I need to boost test scores. I need to enjoy myself. I need to value learning as opposed to grades. But it's the grades that decide my future.

Like the Calculus take home test. I was honest. I didn't use the book for help. I didn't use anything that would be considered "cheating". A large majority of the class did. And I know that I got about half the test wrong, and am hoping for partial credit. But I don't want to be punished for doing the right thing. "Honor over grades." But when I'm the one failing, there's not a lot of honor there.

Do you ever just hate the idea of eating? I just had dinner (11pm is a great dinner time) and just didn't feel like eating. Eww. Blah. Nevermind.

Eh, I still have all my stage makeup on. And my hair in two little buns. I should shower. But I have to do all my homework. It gets to be a little too much sometimes. And I think I'm not involved enough.

*sigh* Dammit, my makeup is going to run.

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