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Some where between happy and suckitude...

I just got back from Cici's. I was planning on leaving around 10, but apparently I read the clock wrong and left at 9:10 instead. The way I figure it, I have a full hour to screw around. *nods* A true slacker philosophy.

I had fun though. Cici makes really good baked mostaccoli, and the frozen garlic bread things are god. And she was playing The Sims: Hot Date. Sim!JC and Sim!Chris are so fun! And I got to see the kitties. Miss Rose is beautiful as always, and JC is getting huge. He's still a runt and is probably no longer than my foot, but considering how tiny he was at 4 weeks old, he's gigantic.

So that was the good.

The bad is my homework situation. I'm thinking that I'll try to get about half of the Calculus done, and finish that and English tomorrow during Early Bird and first.

History and French is a whole new can of worms. For French I need to have read the first 3 chapters of Hunchback of Notre Dame (in French, bien sur (of course)) and answer questions that she gave us with the copy of the book we were supposed to get at the school bookstore. Ha. I haven't even bought it yet, let alone read it. I'm thinking monkeynotes.com will come in handy for The Jungle and Hunchback, just to get the gist of it so I'm not completely lost.

Other than The Jungle reading though...I have a project due for History tomorrow. As far as I know, the rest of my group hasn't started it either. We broke it up into three parts so that we wouldn't have to get together (since me and one of the other members were going to be in LA). However, Mr. Imanasshole looks for perfection in everything, and even grades on how well you can draw.

Remember how I was really liking history last semester? For the first time in my life, I enjoyed sitting through that class? Remember how I adored my teacher because he was an amazing person, and a fantastic teacher? Yeah, well I know hate history thanks to this new guy. He's a horrible teacher and frankly, a horrible person. Like, he's downright mean and doesn't care about us learning, he cares about us working to get grades. Um...No. Give me back my Heerman!!!

*sighs* I should get to work though. I can't let my fucking grades slip anymore.
Dammit, I didn't want to do this:


What the hell am I talking about? "Slipping"? I got my report card. Yes, I got my first ever C in a class. Honors Physics. Subsequently, it has been dropped. The rest?
English = A-
US History = B+
Chorus = A
Theatre = A
Honors French = B
AP Calculus = B-
Gym = A

GPA: Unweighted = 3.57/4.00
Weighted = 4.95/5.00

And I think I'm doing poorly. Except that I am....comparatively. I have friends who have an unweighted GPA of 4.00. My class rank last year (when I had a 3.58 and 4.98) 76th and 48th respectively. 48 out of 359. That's the top 14%. But at some schools, that might get me in the top ten. Even the top five.

And yet here, in my privileged community with emphasis on sports, and a nature work ethic towards good grades, it would appear that I am average. There is nothing wrong with being average...except that I never have been. I have never had to work for grades. I have always been in accelerated classes. I have been a "gifted" child since kindergarten. I have always received As. My first B (on a report card) was in 7th grade and I was crushed. My first C was this semester. Physics. A class that I will undoubtedly hate and resent for the rest of my life.

I guess what gets me is that this is it. My last semester before I apply to colleges. When I got home from LA, there were a couple pieces of mail waiting for me. Valentines from mercgirl57 (If you are still reading this, thanks!!!), and then two that have got me thinking today.

The first was for National Honor's Society. I apparently have the grades to apply. Half the school probably has the grades to apply. And it asks a lot about activities. "Well, what do you do besides school?" Honestly? Stage Crew and Theatre. Between those three, my life is booked. I have no spare time. And what time I do find isn't enough to go volunteer at a homeless shelter. I have maybe an extra hour a day, sporadic 15 minute breaks here and there. I fill those with checking email and other small activities. It makes me regret not signing up for Peer Helping, but I had no free periods sophomore year (when they choose people to ask) to sign up for. Same with WERKS tutoring (our English department tutor thing). And that I would want to do. And was invited to do Sophomore year. I had 9 straight classed Sophomore year (ten on Tuesdays and Thursdays). No free periods to sit in the works and help some kid with a thesis. *sighs* And yet now I regret not doing these things. When the hell was I supposed to do it?

The other piece of mail. College junk from the University of Evansville in Evansville, Indiana.
  • "A four year private university

  • Over 100 areas of study

  • Steeped in the traditional liberal arts and sciences

  • 2400 students hailing from 46 states and 42 countries

  • Harlaxton College, out own British campus in Grantham, England

  • Ranked as a top school in U.S. News & Wold Report's Best Midwestern Universities for nine straight years

  • More than 130 campus organizations and activities

  • Division I athletics
  • "

    Sounds nice. Looks nice. Attractive brochure.
    First thought "What 4 states aren't represented?".
    Second thought, "Is that a priest in that picture?".
    Third thought, "Ooo...study abroad in England?".
    Fourth thought, "2400 students? That's only a thousand more than in my school. How the hell could I get in?" My grades come flooding back. They tell you not to worry and just enjoy high school. The best years of your life and all that jazz. And yet...how the hell can I not worry when they are deciding my future?

    The thing that struck me in this college brochure: "THINK LONG HAUL! College isn't about four years of your life. It's about the rest of your life..."

    Someone give me a paper bag, I think I'm going to pass out. The rest of my life? What do I know about the rest of my life? And is this saying that my getting a C in one semester of Honors Physics is going to screw me over for the rest of my life?

    *sighs* Can I just start applying now? Can I send applications everywhere and find a school to take me so that I can stop worrying so much? That doesn't mean I will slack off completely, just not spazz every time I have a history project due that I haven't started. Is that too much to ask?

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