I am feeling less angry than earlier.
After I posted, I found myself thinking a great deal about the dreams I've been having lately, as well as the dreams I have most often in general. I realized that the ones I tend to remember are often violent and deal with death and serial killers, specifically running away from them.
Anybody know what that means?
I'll contribute my foul mood to that...
Since 2pm today, I have been studying nearly non-stop (that's 11 hours, for those of you not up to counting). And I'm actually feeling pretty confident. Which scares me. Because I never feel confident for Dr. Martin's exams.
The good news is that I have my alarm set for 10:30am...enough time to get 9 hours of sleep, but it still gives me 2-3 hours to study before class and make sure I haven't forgotten everything.
Oy. T-minus 13 and a half hours...
You know in the mornings, when you're awake but you don't get out of bed because the alarm hasn't gone off, but you can't get back to sleep because you're not tired anymore, so you just end up laying there, with your eyes shut, in that comfortable cocoon of sheets and blankets, and your mind wanders like a meandering stream?
Well, it is at those times that I find some of the most interesting, candid thoughts appear.
This morning, I took a room-by-room tour of my old house. I remember everything, right down to the doorknobs, the number of stairs, the smell of the front closet, the creak of the kitchen floor (especially that spot right by the pantry), and the squeak of the laundry room door when it was drawn shut.
It's surreal to think that I will never again see that house. I will never again occupy that space, except where my mind allows, and that eventually, in the not-so-distant future, I will begin to forget about the doors and the stairs and the creaks and the smells.
This November marks three years since it was sold, though I've already passed the three-year anniversary of the last time I was there. I miss it fiercely and often. I think, from time to time, how much easier everything would be if I still had a home in Deerfield. Winter Break, for example. Planning a future in Chicago. Right now, it's just as easy for me to think about New York.
Maybe that's a good thing. Maybe losing a home and an anchor in my life has forced me to be more independent and make choices not based on geography, but what would be best for me. Maybe it just severely limits my options because the only place I can find free lodging is Bumble, Florida...and even that is sketchy.
I miss my room.
First off, I think my exam went incredibly well. I was quite confident about much of it, and while I'm certain to have gotten some wrong...I'm really hoping (and expecting) to get at least a B-. Though now I'm afraid I'll jinx it.
Second, The Hudsucker Proxy is fricking brilliant. I've been meaning to see it forever, and now it just happens to be on HBO Signature. Schweet.
However, Jennifer Jason Leigh (while very talented), is so forgettable. Every time I see her in a movie, I can't place her face and have to look her up. It's sad really, though I am quite looking forward to Margot at the Wedding.
Third, I'm kinda excited that Ron Howard and Tom Hanks are working on Angels and Demons. I know a lot of people didn't like The Da Vinci Code and CLEARLY the book is so much better, but I thought it was decent (if only for the awesome cast...Audrey Tautou, Jean Reno, Paul Bettany, Ian McKellen? Hells yes!).
Better yet, National Treasure: Book of Secrets opens in under two months! Yay!
Fourth, I finished up Emma earlier this week and have moved on to T.C. Boyle's Talk, Talk. So far, it's fabulous. He has a really superb writing style that is just enjoyable and engaging. Junior year, we had read his The Tortilla Curtain, which I also remember as being quite good.
Finally, I didn't get to see any movies today. It's just so depressing to go to a theater alone on a Friday. Perhaps come Monday I'll have plenty of time.