January 3rd, 2006


Today was just a day fading into another, and that can't be what a life is for...

I've felt ill-ish lately, and I might have mentioned it briefly before. It's one of those kinds that goes directly to the throat so that occasionally you feel like you need to vomit, despite the fact that my stomach feels fine. It took siege on my body almost a week ago and I've been trying to ignore it and hoping it would go away, but I feel the bad habits of the holidays (drinking, smoking, acidic foods) have wreaked havoc on any attempt to exorcise the ailment.

Thus I feel pretty shitty and I don't want to go to bed because that just feels like death when the throat is aching and there's nothing to do but lay there and hope for the unconscious. So instead, I'm sitting and listening to Counting Crows, which is perfect for my mood, but unperfect for what it represents my mood to be.

So things are kinda gross, but maybe my pathetic wallowing will make things better in the long run.

In other news, I've been off my meds for well over a week and it sucks ass. If I didn't fear being yelled at by evil-bitchy-doctor-lady, I would call her up to refill the prescription. But she'll yell at me for not finding a doctor in Orlando to "monitor my progress". First, I don't want to be monitored (and I'm more rebellious to the idea when off the meds) and second, it's fucking expensive and I'm more broke than I have EVER been in my life. So it ain't happening.

Watch Gail self-combust.

But the girl in the car in the parking lot
says: "Man, you should try to take a shot.
Can't you see my walls are crumbling?"

Then she looks up at the building,
says she's thinking of jumping.
She says she's tired of life;
she must be tired of something.

'Round Here - Counting Crows
  • Current Music
    Amy Hit the Atmosphere - Counting Crows

There's nothing to be gained from this, but disaster...

However, better than Counting Crows will always be Sarah.

If I had the chance love,
Oh no, I would not hesitate
To tell you all the things I never said before.
Don't tell me it's too late.

Cause I've relied on my illusion
To keep me warm at night.
I've denied in my capacity to love;
I am willing to give up this fight.

Dirty Little Secret - Sarah McLachlan
  • Current Music
    Dirty Little Secret - Sarah McLachlan