April 24th, 2003


I must still need you, must still miss you

So tonight has been dull.

I took an IQ Test [gacked from starsprinkles] and scored a 136. Apparently above average. Go me. And according to the site, I am an "Facts Curator".

Did you know>
27% of Facts Curators had their first makeout session at a school dance.

Huh. Interesting. And no. Not even close.

And then there was the time when I started to have fun with Trillian (an AIM client) and emoticons and wrote Patty this story:

Once upon a time, there was a l-). She had a pet 3:-0, whom she loved dearly. Then one day, an =:-} came along and stole the 3:-0. ''' What was she to do?! Then came her (cowboy) in less-than-shining armor. He found the =:-} and dHzed it dead! He brought the l-) her 3:-0, was well as (f) and (g). He asked her out for (d), and confessed that she was truly the center of his (globe), his (s) and (*)s. He said that he (l)ed her, and she truly (l) him too. They got married, and the l-), (cowboy), and their 3:-0 lived happily ever after!

If you had Trillian, you'd understand. Collapse )

And now I'm tired, so I'm going to bed. And I have to be in class at 11:34 tomorrow! What am I going to do?!?


Late-arrival half-days rock.
  • Current Music
    A Thousand Miles - Vanessa Carlton

I've been searching deep-down in my soul. Words that I'm hearing are starting to get old

I'm tired.

Today has been total crap, and I want it to end.

I still have tech tonight from 4:15 until probably near 9.


So this morning started with me hitting a car while backing out of my driveway. There was barely any damage done to either car, so we just exchanged insurance information and she said she would call later. Hopefully she can deal with this with Mama...cause I'm not going to be here.

But seriously, she was the nicest woman ever, and apparently it was noticeable that I was shaken because she kept telling me to take deep breaths and to just relax. *sigh*

School was just crappy. Classes weren't happy. I got a really bad grade on the Foreign Policy diaries, and to top it off...she collected the article that we were supposed to have annotated that I never finished. AND she mentioned that she'd be taking off 3% points if we ditch on Senior Ditch Day. Fuck. I can't be dropping my grade like this...I don't want to have to take a final. And I like the class so much that it upsets me when I don't do well or feel like I'm letting Kaplan down. :-(

Caitlin was overly happy about prom today. Which just made me that much more down.

And I've felt really really REALLY lonely all day.


I need a nap and a hug, and some time out of my busy schedule that I can set aside to cry my eyes out. 20 minutes, maybe. That's all I need.

And now? Spring Play tech.

Wait, let me gouge out my eyes first.
  • Current Music
    Goodbye to You - Michelle Branch (in head)

(no subject)

Resisting urge to burst out in tears.

Tonight went fine. Fine in that way that women always use it. "Yes. I'm fine." Fine with that little emphasis at the end. Short. Bitter.

"What do you mean I seem agitated? I'm fine."

I don't know. We rehearsed and it was alright. I feel like I've completely lost my character. I don't know if I should be funny or sincere. I don't know if my subtext is playing or if I'm just reciting lines. It feels like it's falling apart.

Though I felt like I separated my lines more today, and had better diction. It still wasn't good. But it was getting there.

And we had so many breaks. But short ones. 45 minutes here, 30 minutes there. I got a little bit of homework done. Half of my econ reading, and my English journal entry. But I still need to do the Foreign Policy article that I fucked up for today. I got the second 1/3 done...since I had about 1/3 done for class today.

But urg! The Past (my main cast) was dismissed at 7:30 while the Present went to start teching. I'm not in the present for my 5 line scene until about Scene 7 but Carl wanted me to stay. By the time we ended...we had only gotten through 4 scenes. So that was an extra 90 minutes that I could have been at home.

And I had lost all concentration by then. I couldn't do my homework, and sitting made me antsy. I kept getting up and wandering through the spaces. I wanted to go home. I wanted to nap. I wanted to cry. I wanted to do something...anything at all.


And Zoe is upset, because she doesn't have a prom date. We assumed that it would be Patty, but now apparently he is going to ask Nikki. And things have gotten really messy, really quickly.

I wish I could make everything better. I wish I could make everyone happy. I wish I could make everything make sense. And it frustrates me that I can't.
  • Current Mood
    irritated irritated