April 22nd, 2003


And you don't love me the way I wish you would. The way I know you could

It's sad that smelling flowers make me thing of funerals.

And it's also sad that I'm up this late, because I'm totally dysfunctional and delusional at this point. Seriously, I'm writing and I have no idea what's coming out.

Which is okay for journal entries, but I fear that Kaplan will not be so happy with the incoherency of my Foreign Policy Diaries. And I still have 3...no, maybe 4 articles to go.

I'm screwed.

I'm falling asleep.

In other news, I downloaded trillian, but I don't think I like it. I'm picky and don't like change though. And AIM isn't good...but it's the best I have right now.

And I talked very briefly to Lewis tonight. I wish I'd have been less busy and less out of it so that it might have been something more. But he said he was just on his way to bed, so I suppose that will have to do.

I'm so tired. Tomorrow is going to be pure hell. With capital L's.

  • Current Music
    You Don't See Me - Josie and the Pussycats

And in my heart I see just how you wanted it to be


That's the number of shows I've worked crew for in my entire high school career.

Let's break it down:

Freshman Year -
Fall play: 8 performances
STUNTS: 3 performances
Musical: 4 performances
Spring Play: 5 performances

Sophomore Year -
FP: 8
Musical: 4
SP: 5

Junior Year -
FP: 8
Musical: 4
Dance Show: 2

Senior Year -
FP: 8
Musical: 4
Dance Show: 2

74 performances.

By the end of high school, it will be 79. 70 of those as a crew member. 9 as a cast member.

I still have 5 more shows this year. But those are as part of the cast. Tonight is my LAST show as a crew member.


I'm speechless.

This is my 74th performance tonight, and my 16th show.

I feel accomplished, but at the same time...empty. What am I going to do? What do I do when I'm not in a show? What do I do when I don't come to crew every day?

God, that's a lot of shows. A lot of opening and closing nights. A lot of ups and downs, and a hell of a lot of techs. Staying at school until 9pm. Eating, living, breathing the Studio and Auditorium. Spending hours in darkness. All the hurry up and waiting. Time spend hammering, drilling, constructing, painting, dutchmaning, props shopping, hanging lights, focusing lights, gelling lights. Watching rehearsals, creating cues, marking scripts, learning lines.

Everything. I've learned so much, and tonight...it's like the end.

I'm going to be such a wreck at theatre night.
  • Current Mood
    crew! :-(

Your eyes, I see the doorway of a thousand churches

It definitely doesn't feel like a school night.

The good news is, that the show ended WONDERFULLY! Things went so smoothly and everything looked great. I only cried a lot. ;-)

It was my last night of crew ever. And maybe I'll do theatre and stage crew in college, but that's different that this crew. It's different than the HOURS spent sitting around the auditorium talking to Eric. And the bonds of friendship that were made with so many people. And it will never be the same.

Eric laughed at me. He said there was still 4 weeks left of school, and three weeks until Theatre Night. I'm going to be bawling my eyes out. There's just no stopping it.

After the show, we hung around for a bit. Cried a lot, hugged a lot. I drove Becca home again, despite trying to convince her to not do homework and go to dinner with us. Then a group of about 9 of us went to Applebee's. It was good fun. And now I am home.

And sleepy.

BUT!! Half day tomorrow. In the afternoon. I don't have EB or 1st period, so my classes start at 1:08. SWEET! And I only have two classes, so I'm out at 2:30.

Then again, tomorrow also starts tech for Spring Play. Which means Gail is going to be running lines in the morning. But not now. Too tired.
  • Current Music
    In Your Eyes - Peter Gabriel (in head)