April 6th, 2003


So afraid to love you, more afraid to lose. Clinging to a past that doesn't let me choose

I took a big step away from my website tonight....to design my journal.

I added some links, changed most of the terms.

Like instead of "[recent|friends|calendar]", mine says "[maintenant|les amis|l'histoire]". And the bottom "navigation" panel has "find me" "[not here?|the here and now]" and "[try this|what came before/what's coming next]"

It's rather disappointing in the regard that it took me a LONG time to do all of this (for every page...recent view, friends view, calendar, and day view) and keeping everything consistent. And yet, it only looks like I changed a few words here and there.

Oh well. I'm still happy with it. Take a look, if you'd like.

And Garvey apologized to me about the earlier incident of me getting ditched. It was very nice. And it made me feel better.

Until I started talking to Jason. Bah.

And again...Gail goes to bed feeling like a horrible person. But this time, I'm evil, bitchy AND untrustworthy...the thing I hate the most. FUCK!

[Heh. I started this post at 1:41. And am ending it at 3:06. I love time changes.]
  • Current Music
    I Will Remember You - Sarah McLachlan

You can speak of anger and doubts, your fears and freak-outs

Didn't sleep as much as I'd have liked. I was woken up at noon by the kids. So I got about 6 hours of sleep.

I was just going through and admiring my new journal formatted stuff...and was reading through entries of this week. Ups and downs, dude.

The point is that a few days ago, I wrote an entry talking about emailing Lewis. I realized that I never said what came of that. Basically, he responded with a brush off. Granted he sounded really busy...but at the same time, I would have expected a little more.

Oh well...one more friendship down. I should be used to it at this point.

In other news, I'm hungry for some lunch. And we'll be partying at Rob's later today. Good good.
  • Current Music
    You Owe Me Nothing - Alanis Morissette

Why can't we talk it over? Why can't you forget about, forget the past?

I love my Amanda.

Plain and simple. Hands down. No questions asked.

She's the sweetest girl ever.

Talking to her after 10 days of not seeing her, and I realize that I miss her greatly. Both from the week+ that she's been gone, and that I don't talk to her nearly enough.

First, she wants to help Zoe and I plan the roadtrip, and might even be able to come if she works on her parents.

Second, I said that she was great, to which she responded "second only to you". Then she said "i know you get a lot of crap from people out of affection but it never hurts to get sincere love". YAY!

Third, she said that Gatto like me and thinks I'm fun to be around. Which is funny cause he always seems to get annoyed with me.

Wow, that made my day. It's nice to have people that like me and care about me. Because lately I have been feeling blind hatred...but then again, lately I haven't been surrounded by those who love me unconditionally.

But now I have my Zoe back. And my Amanda. And Candace, Allie and Caitlin will all be back. And Garvey apologized to me last night, so I think I'm on good terms with him. And Patty's been extra nice to me lately. And Zack is wonderful as always. Rob is a sweetie. And apparently Gatto thinks I'm great. So I have love. And those who are going to be asses can just blow me.

Good ending to a turbulent week.
  • Current Music
    Second Chance - 38 Special (in head)