March 11th, 2003

Alanis - Unsexy

Just a dream, just an ordinary dream, as I wake in bed

Goddamn the nightmares.

My mind is a scary place. They always have to do with running from intruders, murderers and people intent on doing harm to those I love.

There is always hiding and frantic calls to 911. There is always misunderstanding, and more often than not, at least one casualty.

And by "casualty", I mean that often time I dream about someone I know lying dead on the pavement or strangled in a corner.

It's fucked up and it always gets me in a high state of caution. I'm on edge, and can't really think of going back to bed, no matter how sick and tired I may be.

This particular dream, the one that has me sitting at a computer at 2:30 on a Tuesday morning, was a little less violent than usual.

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So yeah. It's now 3:20 and I can't sleep.


Say you would, say you could
Say you'd come and stop the rain
Say you'd try and hold me tight

And you just give me away
Make me high on lullabies
A melody for me to sway
Make me high on lullabies a melody for me to sway
"Sway" - Vanessa Carlton
  • Current Music
    Ordinary Day - Vanessa Carlton (live)
...dreamers

Don't it always seem to go, you don't know what you've got till it's gone?

This song has been stuck in my head all day.


Had a Lock-Down drill today. Pretty damn freaky, if you ask me. Lots of talk of war, Columbine, and Laurie Dann [a women who in 1988 walked into an elementary school in Winnetka (about 15 miles from here) and started shooting. She killed one child (about 7 years old, I think) and injured five more.]


Lots of homework to do.
- AFP Diaries
- Musical write-up
- 25+ pages of reading One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest


I won't be in English tomorrow for Senior Teach Day observation. Woo!


I really REALLY need to finish filling out that job resume for the camp and send it in. ASAP!!!


Lindsay really needs to post more of that Game article. It's so interesting!


I'm working the band concert tonight, so I must be back at school by 6:15.


Tomorrow I get to go out to dinner with Jason. Woo hoo!


Must get back to work now! Eep!


They paves paradise and put up a parking lot.
  • Current Music
    Big Yellow Taxi - Counting Crows (feat. Vanessa Carlton)
...dreamers

(no subject)

An email that I just sent my friend Stephanie (regarding the Lock Down drill, etc):

The drill today was very odd. I had Dance during it, so we were all in the Dance studio, seated along the wall with the door on it (the West wall, I believe) so that if someone were to look into the room, they wouldn't be able to see anyone. Part of the reason for the lock down, we were told, is to protect against intruders, both in imaginable cases (such as Laurie Dann and Columbine) and in the yet-unthinkable scenarios. We were very silent and it was eerie. Obviously there were noises from vents or what have you, but had something really been going on, and intruder shooting through halls, or jets flying overhead, it would have been very easy to hear.

They've also established what are called "Accountability Groups" which are for non-emergency, non-threatening acts in which student may need to a) be accounted for and b) have a discussion with other students and teachers. The way I see it, they are like Processing/Dialogue Groups, but only used in cases where they may be needed. The example given to us was for when Erich Ennin (sp?) died, it would have been a good idea to take kids away from classes for a while, and give them a forum to discuss.

A Lock Down can happen anywhere in the building and at any time, but when Accountability Groups are announced, we meet in our homerooms (or third period classes). It works out really well that Company is 3rd, and Akers has joined are group since teacher without an assigned room get placed with a class.

Overall, it's very scary to think that a war could be on the horizon and that precautions like these need to be taken. I mean, telling people to buy duct tape and plastic is one thing, but participating in a drill such as a Lock Down is quite another. It makes me very angry that people, and most notably Bush, are pushing this war so hard. We've been talking about it a lot in Foreign Policy and it seems to me that we are definitely not prepared to go into a war, and I'm still siding with France, Germany, Russia, China and most other countries, or at least people around the world in that I want to see some more inspections before we settle on war. I want to exhaust our peaceful manners before we decide to start destroying the lives of innocent people. I want someone to make Saddam understand that we are serious, without having to go into Iraq with a flame-thrower and I want someone to make Bush understand that there are other needs in the world. He needs to hold the job as both Commander in Chief and as chief citizen, and right now, I want him to be a citizen like me and try to fix the economy. I'd like to see him try and talk with North Korea, since they offered, and at least get one threat out of the way before we start dealing with Saddam. I'd like him to realize that there's something that we as Americans have done to offend a large part of the rest of the world (mostly with our arrogance and egocentrism). I wrote this as part of a Foreign Policy paper:
"Especially in the US, our wealth and opportunities tend to blind us from considering other countries, unless it is to gloat about how we are better. Events like September 11th take us by such surprise and we just don't understand why anyone could hate us and our perfection. And just like that, we've gone and made more enemies. Even our allies can get fed up with the narcissism that we possess and though they would never wish us harm, perhaps they do wish that we may someday understand the types of problems that they have to deal with far more often then once every 50 or 60 years. To paraphrase the speaker we had from Argentina, 'We cheered [at Sept. 11] not because something like that happened, but because maybe it would open your eyes to the rest of the world and see just what others must deal with every day.'"
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    pensive pensive