December 1st, 2002

Alanis - Unsexy

What you thought was real in life, it'll somehow steer you wrong

I've calmed down a bit.

I'm still horribly disappointed with the way people were acting tonight, and like I said to Linz...I love them all dearly, but I didn't like a single one of them tonight.

They brought me to tears...practically while they were still there. I was cleaning up thing, organizing and straightening to avoid burst out in sobs and telling them to all just leave because they were horrible people.

Part of me wishes that I would have. I should have just kicked them out. They are my FRIENDS. They shouldn't be allowed to make me feel like that.

And something I said to both Linz and Peter. I felt disrespected. And that hurts, because it's something I hold in high regard. Respect is important, and I felt like SHIT tonight.

I'm overall just shocked that they were so rude. I was being a really good hostess and getting people drinks and food. I felt important and like they appreciated me being there. And then things went downhill, half-way through Trivial Pursuit and I just felt used. And that's a shitty way to feel.

God, I just wanted them out of my house. I'm so glad they all had curfew. I couldn't deal with that anymore.
  • Current Music
    The Road I'm On - 3 Doors Down (in head)

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I hate my computer so much!!

It won't send email.

It's connected to the internet, it's connected to AIM. BUT IT WON'T SEND EMAIL!!

Not to mention that it crashed last night, so if I received an IMs last night, I definitely didn't get them.

And Mama's back home, so I'm basically stuck on this one. The one outside my room is for her to play her precious Spider Solitaire on.

ARG. This is just what I troubles. *hiss*
  • Current Music
    The pounding in my head that can be classified as a headache

At least I'll have tangoed at all

For the first time in about 20 hours, I'm feeling almost adequate.

Which compared to my prior emotions, it a huge step forward.

I just got off the phone with Allie. We talked for about a half hour, and though she can't come out to dinner with us, I'll be calling her afterward.

While on the phone with her, I found a photo album that I'd never seen before. I was sitting in my mom's room (stupid non-cordless phones!) so since I couldn't wander and talked, my hands wandered and found a little album in her nightstand drawer.

The first picture was of Staci and me when we were flower girls in my Aunt Bonnie's wedding. We were probably 4 and 5, I being the younger. I absolutely adore that picture. So much. I'm really sad that I'd never seen it before.

So I flipped through the rest of the album, and half of it is pictures of me and my siblings growing up. I NEVER saw pictures of me when I was younger. All our big albums stop right as I was born, and then the camera seemed to go out of style. I grew up knowing that if there were only 4 kids in the picture...I hadn't been born yet.

So it was really cool to see pictures from when I was actually around. Place and people that I might actually remember.

The other half were pictures of Mike and Zoe when they were little. (Or, well...littler.)

God, I love that album. It makes me wonder why Mommy doesn't keep it sitting out with the rest of them.

But that first picture. Of me and Staci. It just blows me away.
  • Current Music
    Tango: Maureen - RENT (in head)

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Dinner and such was actually pretty good.

We went to On the Border at 6:30, and it was only Pat, Charlie, Rob, Jason and I. About 20 minutes in, Nikki showed up, though she wasn't eating. Caitlin got off work at 7 and got there about 5 minutes later.

We were out by about 7:30 and on our way to Phatty's. I'm so overjoyed that I didn't have to offer my house. Whee.

We hung out there for a while. Played Super Monkey Ball on GameCube (I sucked, but I also had the broken controller) and then there was just a bunch of hanging out until about 9:15 when we started watching the Roast of Chevy Chase on Comedy Central. Wasn't very good, but we had nothing better to do, except beat each other up. Which did happen a great deal, and I definitely felt some of it. Oh's an odd sort of acceptance when you start getting hit by the boys.

We left at 10 because we are all pansies. Curfew is not until 11 (and most of us were 18 anyhow). Not to mention that school doesn't start until 10 tomorrow.

Yay for late arrivals.

Eh, I should have left at 9.

Meh, I'm home now and bored.

EDIT!! Because I haven't sufficiently GIPed this yet! The icon I'm using was made by the lovely and talented Reese, who also made my gorgeous default icon. Love her!
  • Current Music
    Santa Baby (in head)

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My cat's going nuts again.

I think the Christmas lights effect her eyes and make her see things that aren't there. She's always pouncing on nothing and getting really agitated.

I'm going to go see if Mama picked up my film from Walgreens yet.
  • Current Mood
    *skips upstairs*