July 5th, 2002

...dreamers

I like watching the puddles gather rain

I'm a better person in small groups. In my opinion. This I have learned.

Other than that, the night was okay. Earlier at the barbecue I was distant. I didn't feel like small talking, and mingling wasn't appealing. Big group outings just aren't as much fun when I can't pick and choose who's there. That sounds selfish, but the smaller the group, the more chance that I'll have friends. And sure, I'm 'friends' with all of those people. But there are some I just don't like. Mostly some of the girls that I'm not so much a fan of. *le sigh*

I'm so picky.

Later it was better though. I crawled out of my cocoon and a lot of people left. Things felt a bit better. I also talked to Jason about what was bothering me.

It made me feel a little better about the Amanda and Nikki situations. And I resolved what I thought was up with Carly before the barbecue. And I want to re-acquaint myself with my friends. The ones I've know since 6th grade. The ones that I have been feeling distanced from.

Allie comes home in two weeks. It's only been a week. If I didn't have Jason, I'd probably explode by then.

And now, I'm feeling a bit shaky and I need to write Candace a car letter, and Allie another letter to send to Alaska. It'll probably be the last. I don't know how long it takes to get mail up there, and I want to make sure she gets it.
  • Current Music
    No Rain - Blind Melon
...dreamers

Hello. I've waited here for you, everlong

Eck. *falls over tired*

I wrote Candace a (sucky) car letter. Meh, I had more important things to do. But I have to go out tomorrow and buy her a coloring book.

Then I talked to Carly. Theme of the conversation: Junior year.
"I think that people were changing so much, but were too busy to notice. So now we have to find ourselves and our friends and it's like picking up all the pieces again. This summer has been more exhausting than most of the year." - Me

But we are trying. We are all trying to get better.

So I wrote Allie her letter too. Technically it's 19 pages. However, only 3 (front and back, handwritten) was me writing. Then I took the conversation I had with Carly and put it in there. And I meant to only print a couple journal entries, but didn't hit the "print selection" so she's getting a lot of pages of journal.

AND IF MY FUCKING CABLE MODEM DOESN'T STOP DISCONNECTING, I SWEAR I WILL THROW IT OUT MY NON-EXISTENT WINDOW!!!!! GRRRRR!!!!!

So yeah. Between the journal and Carly's conversation, that was a lot of pages. Her last letter was too. She's just so popular! She's going to have a ton of mail. Mine, of course, will be the best. If for no reason other than that I've been changing and thinking and feeling and growing so much, that I need to tell her all of this. Because I must. That's what best friends are for. To know everything.

But now, it's late. And I'm tired. And I was up this late last night too, and didn't get a lot of sleep. And the world is against me and I should complain about it a little more. *rolls eyes*

So yes. Me to bed. Night!!
  • Current Music
    Everlong - Foo Fighters
...dreamers

You're getting closer to pushing me off of life's little edge

Well, 7 hours is better than 5 and a half.

It's still not a lot of sleep. But I haven't been sleeping well lately. A lot on my mind I suppose.

I was awakened recently by a phone call from Amanda. She and Rob are seeing Bourne Identity at 1. I really want to see it, but I think I'll wait and go with Zoe. I told her I'd see it with her anyway. (*cough*Excuse!*cough*)

...

It's odd. I've noticed people around here having problems with friends. Feeling distanced. Or problems with Journal. Feeling distanced. And I suppose I haven't been keeping up with this as well as I could. And when I do, I'm vague and don't go in depth.

I'm trying to make a big post later. Try to sum up what's been on my mind lately. I guess I've had a few different outlets lately; Jason, my letters to Allie, Carly, and Journal has been a bit denied. I feel like I've told some stories a few times, but never completely to anyone.

So yes. Big post later? Probably locked. Maybe open. I haven't decided, nor have I written it yet.

But now, I need stamps (fucking 37 cents) to mail two letters, and I need to buy Candace her coloring book before she eats me for not writing a car letter.
  • Current Music
    Loser - 3 Doors Down