June 12th, 2002


Came the time to realize, and it was too late



It was better than staying home. And that's completely truthful.

But to add another truthful comment, it was a bit dull and uneventful.

Had the French Toast at Walker Bros. Should have stuck with the omelet.

We watched Murder by Death, which was pretty good. Very Clueesque, but I would have preferred to be watching Clue.

Then Bridgette and I watched part of The Ninth Gate while Lewis went home and Jenny and Steph played chess(?) upstairs. It was really weird. We only watched for about a half hour, but rather fucked up. Who the hell is the flying chick?

Anyway, I got tired and decided to come home.

Are there ever days that you feel really young? Like a child? Not childish, or immature...just young.

I'm going to sleep now.
  • Current Music
    She's Come Undone - The Guess Who

...breaking but I couldn't get the pieces apart

I'm really tired. I'm considering sleeping in my clothes, though it would only take a few seconds to get undressed.

And there's been a lot of pessimism around tonight...both in real life and on journal.

Count me in on that shit.
  • Current Music
    The Burn - matchbox twenty

Now I can't believe it took so long to leave

It's bad when you forget that you haven't updated yet.

Okay, that didn't make any sense. Whatever. I'm out of my bird today.

French final at 2:20. I should be studying. I'm not yet. (and I say "yet", though I might never actually get to studying. meh)

But tonight is Pink! And I'm really trying to be excited. But meh. I'm so not in a mood for anything today. Well, sleeping. Definitely sleeping.

I fear the mood shit is my fault. Damn masochistic personality disorders. But I've said it before. I'm just fucked up.

And on that lively note, I think I should go nap or something.

[Edit: I love this Pink icons because it doubles as "yay I have the concert tonight" and "boo, I'm in a bitchy mood".]
  • Current Music
    Told You So - BNL; Whatever I Fear - Toad the Wet Sprocket

Leave me lying here, cause I don't wanna go

My thoughts on future planning: (it's plaguing my mind, so I figure I should put it down on paper...or well, you know)

Things change. Drastically and often. People change minds, events change people. [Note: this is apparently very cryptic, I'm sorry.]

It's human nature to change. I remember in elementary school, we used to have this publishing thing, where if you wrote a story, you could have it typed up, then go to draw pictures for it. It got bound in a little book that was all your own and the covers were all colorful and cool. It was the best. And in the back, there was an "About the Author" page, where you'd sit down with one of the PTO mothers who put all this together and tell them things about yourself and they would type you up a page to put in the book. Well, one of the questions was "What do you want to be when you grow up?" I published about 4 books in my 6 years at that school, and I think I had 3 different future professions. Sure, I was young and I didn't know what I wanted to be, but how is that different from now? I still don't know what I want to be. I know what I will most likely become, but that's different. And I've mentioned that a lot. The boundaries put on a person.

So who's to say that once I get to college, I'm going to stay there? I may switch schools. I may switch majors. I may make friend and lose some. Things change, and I think it's stupid to assume that things will be the same.

I can't say where I will be in 10 years, or even 5. In 5 years, I should have just finished my Senior year of college, and will be beginning my real grown-up life. That doesn't mean it will definitely happen. What if somewhere in there, we win the lottery and I spend a year traveling the world? What if I end up needing to take a 5th year to fulfill extra requirements, or to space out the class loads though the years? Life is completely unpredictable, and things can change at the drop of a hat. I've experienced that. I've seen fate at it's worst and I know enough not to trust that anything will go as planned.

Have I planned out my wedding? Nope. Do I know how many kids I want to have? No. I can't plan these things because I don't even know if I want to get married or have kids. I don't know what I'll end up doing with my life. Maybe I won't become a teacher. Maybe I'll be in a job that requires me to move every 2 years. That would completely change my agenda. How does one build a family when they aren't in a stable environment?

So I take things as they come. I don't assume that things will happen because I've been told they will. I wait it out. I don't jump ahead of fate. I think it would be pretty sad if my life didn't make a radical change somewhere along the way, and so I live in the moment. Tomorrow doesn't matter as long as you enjoy today.
  • Current Music
    Volcano Girls - Veruca Salt

(no subject)


If today is bad, eh, tomorrow may be better.
If today is good, appreciate that. You'll never know what tomorrow may bring.
  • Current Music
    One Last Breath - Creed

I'm lying here on the floor where you left me. I think I took too much

God I love this song!

And I'm listening to Pink to pump myself up for the concert!!

And I'm done with my finals!!!

And school!!!!

And yay!!!!!



Okay, enough of that. I'm still in a pretty blah mood, but I was talking to Lindsay and JC on AIM and it made me feel a bit better. JC can come to the party Saturday! He originally thought he'd be working, but now he can come! Yay! He's so great.

And I think I'm going to nap for he next hour. If I can nap with Pink playing so loudly, but no matter. It's great.

Must remember to enjoy being happy now. I don't know how I will feel later.
  • Current Music
    Just Like a Pill - Pink!!!!!!

There's a song I was listenin' to, up all night


Pink was awesome! Incredible. She's a fantastic performer.

I was bawling during "Family Portrait" and was disappointed that she didn't do "Misery", but it was great.

Most of the songs were from M!ssundaztood, but she did a few from the first album. She also did a cover of (crap! I forgot!! Cici! What was the first one?) and then a small medley of Janis Joplin songs. "Summertime" "Me and Bobby McGee" and (shoot, forgot that one too).

But it was awesome. If she's coming to a town near you, I completely suggest getting tickets!!
  • Current Music
    M!ssundaztood - P!nk (in my head)

I'm not angry and I've never been above it. You see through me, don't you?

Good Idea:
-Setting an alarm to wake up for my 9am hair appointment.

Bad Idea:
-Making a 9am hair appointment.

Good Idea:
-Having a little snack because I skipped dinner.

Bad Idea:
-Chugging a Pepsi as a snack.

Good Idea:
-Trying to sleep.

Bad Idea:
-Staying up and talking to people online.

Bottom line:
-With all my bad ideas, I'm pretty sure I may have been taken over by the devil somewhere along the way.
  • Current Music
    Angry - matchbox twenty