May 19th, 2002

Alanis - Unsexy

Living's no fun when you're dead inside

Busy times 12.

Driving to Charleston, it rained the entire way. I still made it in 3 and a half hours because I was following some cars going 80 the entire way.

Staying at my sister's was fun. We had Mexican food for dinner, then watched American Pie 2. In the morning, she made biscuits and gravy. She's turning southern, it's really cute.

The meet went well, I got a sunburn on my face, but Erika came in first for the 2 mile. Yay.

Nikki, Allie, Melissa, Heather and I ate at Stake N Shake before we left Charleston. Though debated highly, they think we ended up leaving at 4:45. I think it was 3:45 though, because I made it home by 7:20. Yeah, you can do the math. 4:45 wouldn't have made any sense.

The drive home was long and sunny. I think that was part of the reason I got burned. Overall, not too bad though.

Stopped home for about three seconds to unpack dirty clothes and put in clean stuff before heading to the mini-golf place. I met up with Nikki, Allie and Melissa again. The wait was an hour and fifteen minutes, and the rest of our group had already started 20 minutes ago.

So I took Melissa back to her house so that she could pick up sleepover stuff and her car. Allie bribed me with a grande Tazoberry from Starbucks so that she wouldn't have to drive.

I got back to the mini-golf place and everyone had finished, so we went to Max and Erma's for dinner. Unfortunately with 23 people on short notice on a Saturday night, we couldn't be seated together, so we split up into tables. I was one of the first four there, so we all (Lewis, Charlie, and Goldie) sat together.

After, I had to go back home to pick up movies for Nikki's house. Because I was driving Charlie and Lewis, they came with.

Then we all hung out at Nikki's for a few hours. Some people left at curfew, others at about 2:30. Then all that was left was the people sleeping over, and we basically crashed then.

We woke up at about 10 this morning, and at donuts for breakfast. I left Nikki's a little before 11. Got home, just showered, I need to unpack before I leave for the bridal shower in a half an hour.

I still have a hell of a lot of English reading to do, and I think I'll put off French until the morning (like usual). The good thing is, I'm taking my Calculus final Thursday and Friday, so I have no more homework in that class, and for the last two weeks, we will probably be watching movies.

I'm tired. I'm hungry. And the day has only began. I think I may stop at Panera.

le sigh.
  • Current Music
    Fool's Gold - Bree Sharp
Baby you're a big star now



It's a pretty strange feeling. I haven't been really "home" this entire weekend. I've been in and out a couple times, but never settling myself in.

To be honest, I still feel a bit rushed. Like I need to finish this entry so I can leave again. God forbid I actually be "home".

I have missed my bed. And my computer. And the comfort that comes with being in someplace so familiar. If I could though, I'd probably leave. Maybe not come back. I like the comfort, but I like freedom more.

I hate feeling restricted, and my most recent peeve is due to age. I'm not an adult yet. I'm not going to college yet. I won't be graduating soon enough, and my life feels utterly useless and unimportant in comparison to those that are moving on with their lives. Those who are graduating, or getting married, or learning for the purpose of preparing for jobs, not because the state tells me I need to.

This post has become far more depressing that I had imagined, and is in fact rather cryptic.

I guess I'm just tired of it all. Annoyed that the Senior's Last Day is Tuesday, tomorrow is Senior Ditch Day because Saturday was Prom. Annoyed that I still have 3 weeks of school, then a week of finals before summer hits. Annoyed that I can't speed up time and just get it all over with more quickly.

I suppose that age is something I've struggled with all my life. I'm the youngest. Thus, I've always been too young for everything. It was the perfect excuse to get rid of an annoying sister. You're too young. Chronological age, yes. I'm not an adult yet. I still have 6 months until I am. Until I can vote, and stay out past midnight....legally.

But what about mental age? How old I act, or whatever? Cici calls me "cultured". I guess that too is indebted to the fact that I'm the youngest. Always striving to understand more than I should and wanting so bad to be older like my siblings. Trying to grow up far too fast. Being forced to grow up far too fast.

I don't regret it, either. I had a childhood. I was no Holden Caulfield, and I don't feel the need to protect or shelter younger generations. Everyone will grow up in due time. I don't feel cheated, though I know some people who still haven't matured to the level I was at years ago.

Human nature, I suppose. Everyone is different, and that is good. Without variety, where would we be?

And now I'm feeling selfish. Like I'm tooting my own horn and saying that I'm better than others. Eww for condescension. Maybe I should go back to my English reading. I still have 45 of the 75 pages left to read, and still have three weeks of school yet. Damn Senioritis. Too bad I'm not a Senior...
  • Current Music
    Little Girl Blue (live) - Janis Joplin