February 3rd, 2002



Fuck it all.

Today I was busy. Not really bad, just busy.

Went to rehearsal from 1 until 4. My grandma's 80th birthday party started at 4...in Kenosha. Mom was pissed that I chose rehearsal over Grandma's party. Whatever, I only got there 30 minutes late.

Rehearsal was fine. I love it, so yay.

Grandma's party wasn't bad. I mean, I would rather have been at Mikey's Party, you know, hanging out with people my age, but I love my siblings and had fun with them all, plus the three spouses/significant others.

After, I went to Amanda's because she was having a party. Came in halfway through Dude, Where's My Car...that American classic. We ate pizza and hung out. It was fun, because my friends are all good kids, so we just have a good time doing nothing at all.

I left to come home at midnight, because I decided to be a nice little girl and observe curfew.

I get home and my room has been messed with. Grrrr...I'm a very possessive person. Like basically...DON'T FUCKING TOUCH MY STUFF!! I knew Brad would be trying to network the computers...or something. But papers of mine had been moved. My bed had been tossed about a bit. The computer was not logged into me, how I left it. And my fucking email isn't working. I don't know why, but Outlook keeps telling me that there is a problem. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO MY FUCKING COMPUTER???? AND FIX IT PLEASE...NOW!

ARG! And I guess I'm just in one of those moods because I'm crying over it. FUCK THEM ALL!

I'm going to bed now. *sniff*
  • Current Music
    The Dance - Garth Brooks

For the record...

My email is still fucked. And I either know how to fix it, and just don't know the actual port it's supposed to be sending things from.

Or I have no fucking idea. And I usually like to think I know something about computers. *sighs* It pisses me off to no end...

And I'm going to bed. I tried to stay up to get myself in a better mood. Never go to bed angry, and all that jazz.

Didn't work. I'm still pissed. Arg. Can I eat your head off? Really truly can I? I'd eat my own, but that's impossible...

And I really love this icon right now. How she looks is how I feel. Can I rip my hair out of my head too??
  • Current Music
    Loss, Strain and Butterflies - Tabitha's Secret

Fucking Timberlake. Two words...so many meanings...

Because it might help, I've decide to make a list of things that annoy me. Feel free to not read on. (These are in no particular order)

1. Washing your hands with cold water. (Stupid hot water heater)
2. Wanting to hear that really good "fuck the world" song, and the shuffle feature keeps coming up with songs like TIPY. (Stupid Winamp)
3. Cleaning up cat puke. (Stupid cat)
4. Bad toothpaste aftertaste. (Stupid Crest)
5. My email not working. (Stupid Bradley)
6. Me bitching so damn much. (Stupid me)
7. Me overreacting all the time. (Stupid me)
8. Me blowing up the most insignificant thing. (Stupid me)
9. Me not telling people who piss me off, that they piss me off, so things never get better. (Stupid me)
10. People who piss me off, and don't realize it. (Stupid people)
11. That I don't go to LA for another 10 fucking days. (Stupid Valentines day coming too late in the month)
12. The pigsty that my room is. (Stupid mess)
13. That I never have time to do the things I want. **
14. How stressed I let myself get. (Stupid me)
15. That my stomach knots when I'm stressed. (Stupid stomach)
16. That stress gives me headaches. (Stupid stress)
17. That I'm more stressed than a 17-year old should be. (Stupid age)
18. That I sometimes say things I regret. A lot. (Stupid me)
19. That I want to get away from it all, but can't. (Stupid obligations)
20. That I do things because I should, and not because I want to. (Stupid me)
21. That I don't put my priorities in the order I'd like to see them. (Stupid me)
22. That I clench my teeth when I get upset. (Stupid hurting jaw)
23. That I want to go to bed, but don't think I can. (Stupid insomniatic behavior)
24. That there are more important things in life than email, and yet that is what is keeping me from sleeping at 4AM. (STUPID ME)
25. That I am apparently one of the most stupid and screwed up people in the entire world. Fuck me.

What I want: My email to work. To watch more movies. To read more books. To live life. To not care about the little things. To be spontanious. To love big and hurt small. To realize what's important and what can wait for tomorrow. To sleep more. To have more fun.

What I do: Worry too much. Spend too much time on school work and homework. Feel guilty when I prioritize wrong. Make myself sick when I worry. Cry too much. Cry WAY too much. Slack off, then yell at my........... Blah, I quit. I'm done.

**Which reminds me...My friends thing I'm a horrible slacker and they hate me. Well, they don't. I know they don't. But ... eh, nevermind. I really don't want to go there right now.
  • Current Music
    Pacified - Blue Sky Roadster

*hangs head in shame*

Brad fixed my email. It's fixed. I overreacted...again.

Dammit, I really have to work on that.

I am seeing A Walk to Remember today. I don't care if I have to go alone, I AM SEEING IT.

In other news, I slept until 12:30 and woke up to a house full of people. All immediate family, of course, but it makes me happy. I love when the house is full because it's such a small house, and 10 people fill is up so well. *sighs* I miss when they all actually lived here.

Superbowl today! Um...the Rams? and the ??? Oh well, I only watch it for the commercials. It's funny because at my house, we get drinks and talk during the game and once the commercials hit, we are dead silent. *cricket chirps* Weird, eh? Kinda...BASS-akwards. Mmmm...Bass. Lance...*gasps* I have no Lance icon anymore. Oops.

Okay, so I'm going to go now. I could...shower or get dressed, or just mill around with the rest of the family.
  • Current Music
    Paper Pieces - Michelle Branch