December 6th, 2001


Do you ever feel....

You know that time when you feel so stressed and blah and you barely have your emotions under control, and then someone comes and gives you a hug, or says everything is going to be alright, or that you are doing a great job, and you just can't hold back your emotions anymore.

Yeah, it's kinda like that.


More stress. My back is going to be a solid clump of tensed muscles for the next week, but really, it's been like that since 7th grade, so it's nothing too new.

Again, I feel like I've been hit by a truck, but it's more like now the truck has passed, and I just want to lay in my hospital bed and heal. But I can't because I have a shite-load of homework, and I have to study for two test tomorrow. One is physics, and it's sort of imperative for me to do well. I almost wish I could start applying to colleges now so that I might get accepted somewhere before my grades drop more.

I don't understand how I'm letting myself slip so much. Granted the physics thing isn't completely my fault, but still. I'm not doing well. Dr. Flemming has actually been observing our class for the last couple days (he's the Science Department Chair/Head that Hillary, Caitlin and I went to talk to about our teacher).

Why am I such a fucking pussy? (Ooo...enter my anger mood). If I have a question in physics, I don't ask it. I think it's partly because I think it might be stupid. Or I don't want to hold up the class for my problems. But either way, I still don't understand problem 4 on the Free Falling/Projectile Motion Worksheet 5. And I didn't ask about it. And I have a test tomorrow.

Same goes for math. If I have a question, I don't ask it. The only one I'm hurting is myself. FUCK IT!

This isn't a problem in english or history. Why can't I just take those classes. Bitch, moan, bitch, moan....I hate being in classes I don't like.

In french we are doing a unit on French impressionists, and on Tuesday will be taking a field trip to the Art Institute of Chicago. I have been absolutely glowing and walking on air everyday in that class. I love impressionist art so much. Monet is my favorite artist. I have 6 prints, a calendar and 13 postcard/day-by-day calendar pages in my room of Monet.

Why can't I be as happy in all my classes as I am in English or French or History, Chorus, Theatre, Outdoor Adventure? It's only Physics and Calculus. ARG!

Also, I don't think I'm going to be getting any of the e-mail sent to the @Home address. My new e-mail (which was automatically changed without my knowledge until I got a message from a friend of mine, who's e-mail also changed); it's almost the

I have to go do homework, and shower, and study, and read, and get sleep and avoid a mental breakdown in the next 9 hours, before I can get up and do it all over again. All I have to say is...

Thank god it's almost Friday!!

Okay, I'm gone now. *sigh*

:::Tonight's Playlist (because it's kicking ass):::
*Vincent (Starry Starry Night) - Vonda Shepard
*Fire and Rain - James Taylor
*The Only Gift - NSYNC
*And Around - Tabitha's Secret
*Either Way - Guster
*Bed of Lies - Matchbox Twenty

(AHHH! mercgirl57! I totally forgot to get you a list of Guster songs. So sorry. Here are some of my favorites:
-Either Way
-Two Points For Honesty
-Airport Song
-Barrel of a Gun
-So Long
-What You Wish For

Honorable Mentions:
-Center of Attention
-Mona Lisa
  • Current Music
    "I try to be/more than me/and I gave until it all went away"


I know some of the sweetest guys in the world. And they are single. So why the hell don't I have a boyfriend. *is confused*

*goes to look up songs by an artist suggested by Zach*

*long sigh*
  • Current Music
    I Alone - Live (fantastic song. Download now!!!)

A spam before I get to work...

....One, I'm a fucking slacker.

17 New songs
10 Transferring songs
52 Processing songs

God, I love my cable modem. (Does that count as a false idol?)

Oh! Three, Happy St. Nicholas Day to all the Catholics out there (or Dutch, or whoever else celebrates it.) I hope you got good presents in your smelly shoes. *smiles*
  • Current Music
    On Your Own - Single