October 22nd, 2001

...dreamers

Another update I shouldn't be making...

I'm contemplating going to bed now, and waking up at 5am to finish the paper. I really need sleep. But then I'd be panicked that I wouldn't finish. And I'll only be getting about 4 hours of sleep.

One of these days, I'm going to crash and burn.....hard.

I'm also beginning to feel sick. Like, physically ill. My stomach mostly, and my forehead is a bit clammy too.

I'll go to bed after I finish page two of the paper. Then it will be half way done, and I can whip out two pages of bullshit tomorrow morning/a few hours from now.

Wish me luck.
  • Current Music
    Fortress - Sister Hazel (one of the best songs ever)
...dreamers

"Freakin' Hell!"

Maybe it's the fact that I got 4 hours of sleep last night.
Maybe it's that Eric is mad at me for missing Tech for Aerosmith tomorrow.
Maybe it's that I'm feeling completely overwhelmed.
Maybe it's because I'm feeling totally useless and incapable.
Maybe it's that I'm worrying about the future too much.
Maybe it's that I wrote the worst English essay ever last night/this morning.
Maybe it's that I'm so bored in Calculus and understand all the homework, but totally bombed the test today.

Maybe I just have a problem. I don't know. All I know is that I hate feeling like this. I hate wanting to cry every time someone says something to me, even if it's not mean. I hate that I don't even know why I'm so upset.

I've ruled out the "that time of the month" excuse, because it's not. And my spouts of depression never seem to follow a pattern anyway.

I should be happy. I'm going to a concert tomorrow. School doesn't start until 8:45. I am Stage Managing the Fall Play starting tomorrow. This is good stuff. I should be happy.

Why aren't I? Why do I get this overwhelmed and upset over nothing? I have no idea why I'm crying right now...I just am. God I hate this!!

"Scoop's right, I really am an emotional bumper car." - Lisa; The Heidi Chronicles
  • Current Music
    Dizzy 2000 - "You walk behind me, you know that I can't lead
...dreamers

For the Record...

I quit my paper after taking 5 hours to write one page, double spaced. It was 1:30, so I went to bed, and set an alarm to get up at 5. I got out of bed at 5:20 and punched out the last three pages and printed. It was 6:20. I had ten minuted before mommy woke me up. I laid on my bed, but didn't sleep.

I got less that 4 hours of sleep. I'm so tired right now.

I really wish I could just stay home sick someday. Today would have been good. But I can't. I have Tech, until 9. Every night for the next 2 weeks. I *have* to be there. I can't miss tech. Eric's already not happy.

"I hate this. I really hate this." - Heidi; The Heidi Chronicles
  • Current Music
    Bitter - Nine Days
...dreamers

Whee!

Better mood....for a while at least.

Aerosmith in 20 hours!! Homework done!! Sleep until 8 tomorrow!!

It's the little things.

[Hello, my name is Mood Swing. It's a pleasure to make your acquaintance.]

Sleepy time now. Plesant dreams everyone!
  • Current Music
    No Strings Attached - *NPuppies