Maybe it's the fact that I got 4 hours of sleep last night. Maybe it's that Eric is mad at me for missing Tech for Aerosmith tomorrow. Maybe it's that I'm feeling completely overwhelmed. Maybe it's because I'm feeling totally useless and incapable. Maybe it's that I'm worrying about the future too much. Maybe it's that I wrote the worst English essay ever last night/this morning. Maybe it's that I'm so bored in Calculus and understand all the homework, but totally bombed the test today.
Maybe I just have a problem. I don't know. All I know is that I hate feeling like this. I hate wanting to cry every time someone says something to me, even if it's not mean. I hate that I don't even know why I'm so upset.
I've ruled out the "that time of the month" excuse, because it's not. And my spouts of depression never seem to follow a pattern anyway.
I should be happy. I'm going to a concert tomorrow. School doesn't start until 8:45. I am Stage Managing the Fall Play starting tomorrow. This is good stuff. I should be happy.
Why aren't I? Why do I get this overwhelmed and upset over nothing? I have no idea why I'm crying right now...I just am. God I hate this!!
"Scoop's right, I really am an emotional bumper car." - Lisa; The Heidi Chronicles
Dizzy 2000 - "You walk behind me, you know that I can't lead
I quit my paper after taking 5 hours to write one page, double spaced. It was 1:30, so I went to bed, and set an alarm to get up at 5. I got out of bed at 5:20 and punched out the last three pages and printed. It was 6:20. I had ten minuted before mommy woke me up. I laid on my bed, but didn't sleep.
I got less that 4 hours of sleep. I'm so tired right now.
I really wish I could just stay home sick someday. Today would have been good. But I can't. I have Tech, until 9. Every night for the next 2 weeks. I *have* to be there. I can't miss tech. Eric's already not happy.
"I hate this. I really hate this." - Heidi; The Heidi Chronicles