October 17th, 2001

...dreamers

As crazy as it is....

....My computer is too damn distracting and I'm not getting any work done. I'm shutting it down. This means probably no more entries tonight.

My birthday is in 18 days. Whoa. It totally just snuck up on me. I should make a birthday list. Mmm...presents. I'm so superficial and materialistic. Damn me.

In exactly one week, I will have gone to see Aerosmith and hopefully gotten home. Tired as all hell, I will write a short entry proclaiming the awesomeness that is Aerosmith, then crash on my bed for an extremely restful night of sleep. Yay!

I amuse myself highly. I was reading back over my most recent puppy survey, and was laughing my ass off. I'm just so witty and clever. Totally modest too.

I dislike my school picture. My hair looks bad, my ears look huge, and I look jowly. (Oooo...new word for me to use). From a distance, it's okay though. And I like what I was wearing.

Calculus sucks, and I really don't know anything. I thought I understood it, and then it asks me the most basic question and I get lost.

But my birthday is in 18 days.

And I own the On The Line Soundtrack.

And JC is a pretty kitten.

And I get to sleep until 10:20 tomorrow.

And I only have two real classes tomorrow (French and Calculus)

And there is a lot to be happy about. I have great friends (though I sometime take them for granted), and a lot of them are at good places in their lives.

And I'm stronger than I think.

And I know more than I realize.

I just need to gain confidence in the things I am good at and take pride in and that make me happy...then maybe life will be a little better.
  • Current Music
    Angry - matchbox twenty
...dreamers

It's 10 o'clock and I'm still home. Yippy!

Half days are the best...especially when they start late.

Okay, so majorly exciting news...I was checking my mail this morning, and I got a couple LiveJournal comments. But they weren't from a user. And the subject of one was "Potty mouth Gail", which is a nickname that I acquired...well, I think it's obvious how. So, I get all excited because this means it's someone I know, and probably haven't talked to in a while. It was Mary! Yay! She said she's coming home in a couple weeks, so she'll be able to see Heidi. I'm so excited.

Also, (because this is obviously important)...Happy Birthday Mr. Christopher Kirkpatrick. Hopefully he will have a good birthday, and isn't having a crisis over turning 30.

It's so cold here. 40 degrees. Yuck. It might get up to 50 today, but will probably stay around 45. Saturday might be 60 though. Whoo-who!

The On The Line soundtrack is pretty good. Don't like Vitamin C's song, but I'm totally in love with Joey. He should have more solos. And Britney's song is good too. BBMak's too. Yay British boy bands.

Okay, again, a boring entry, so I shall go off to get ready for school. Fun.
  • Current Music
    Ready to Fall - Joooooowweeeeeeyyyyyy!
...dreamers

Hmmm....Personality Disorder Test

DisorderRating
Paranoid:Low
Schizoid:Low
Schizotypal:High
Antisocial:Low
Borderline:Low
Histrionic:High
Narcissistic:High
Avoidant:Moderate
Dependent:High
Obsessive-Compulsive:High

-- Click Here To Take The Test --



I think I'm a living contradiction. Some of these questions were similar and would go along with the same topic, and I would have a different answer to both.

I also wanted to use "sometimes" for almost every question. That in itself probably says something about me.
  • Current Music
    My Madonna - Dexter Freebish
...dreamers

(no subject)

"It's nice to know that even after all these years, it's still special when your lover wins you as a sex slave in a deviant drunken bet." - Coldhearted; by Jae.

I think it's classic.
...dreamers

Oh My....

I almost totally forgot it's West Wing Wednesday! Happiness!

*scurries off to tune in* Come on Aaron, don't disappoint me!
...dreamers

The first five minutes....

Aaron does not disappoint! I love that he can write realistic comedy as well as drama.

"The snake's looking at me. That's a big snake." - CJ (Allison Janney is amazing too)


"America rocks, therefore Bartlett rocks."
"Bartlett doesn't rock."
"He really doesn't."
Whoo-who! Bartlett for president!
...dreamers

Hmmm....

Just got off the phone with Amanda. She's been having the same feelings about school and classes that I have. Not wanting to go, even to the ones we like. Just wanting to sleep all day and become amish so we'll never have to go to school again. We decided to start a sheep farm. We will be perfectly content being shepherdesses for the rest of our lives.

It's nice to not be alone in your feelings.

******************************
New, happier topic...

West Wing rocked, as usual. I just love it too much for words. It's just...amazing. CJ, Toby, Josh, Sam, Leo, Donna, Joey, Ainsley, Abby, Jed. They are the best characters ever. (and I totally feel the Sam/JC love. I just...yes)

I should be doing Calculus (for the record). Honestly, I'm not doing well in the class, but if I'm not, the rest of the class must be failing. I was beating my head against the proverbial wall today because the questions these people were asking were just so obvious. Hello, did you take algebra? I realize, it's been a while since 8th grade math, but still. This is basic stuff. Half the class *must* be failing.

On a better note, we are singing this really beautiful song in chorus called Prayer of the Children. It's so powerful and sounds amazing. It's been in my head all day, and has frankly, been making me happy because of it. It's actually a very sad song, but so pretty.

Oh! And I repelled today! Me. Afraid of heights. Putting on the harness. Trusting my life to two of my peers, two sets of ropes, and a caribiner. Climbed over the back of the bleachers and lowered myself the 20+ feet to the ground. It was rather nerve wracking, but not too bad. Basically because you never look down. I was concentrating too hard on where to put my feet and how tight to hold the rope to realize my descent. I'm really proud of myself.

That's it for now. I *really* have to do Calculus. I always put it off, but I can't anymore. I have to learn and do well. I have to get a good grade, and get a good class rank, and get into a good college. I will work. I promise.
  • Current Music
    Prayer of the Children (in head)
...dreamers

I DID IT!!!!!

I did my Calculus homework. All of it. I didn't skip one question. I didn't pretend to not understand so I wouldn't have to do it. I figured them all out. And I think I did them correctly. And for the most part, I understood it. Yay!!! I'm so happy for myself!!!

"This really has a feeling of completion for me." Susan - The Heidi Chronicles

And! my mp3 player just played Forever December (version 2) followed by Angry. So much Robbie love! (and of course, Paul and Brian love too.)

I think I better go to bed before my luck runs out again. Night night everyone! Sweet dreams!
  • Current Music
    Angry - Matchbox Twenty
...dreamers

I know, I know...I said I was going to bed...

But this totally came to mind while I was brushing my teeth (how fitting...)

My mom asked me if I'd want to get braces. Since about 6th grade, I've wanted them, because after 3 years of laughing at my friends whom had the horrible metal contraptions in their mouths, they were beginning to have straight teeth. I envied that.

My teeth are far from straight. And I have gaps. And a massive overbite (and no, massive isn't an overstatement...it's about a full centimeter gap between top and bottom teeth). I also have front buck teeth. Basically, my mouth is a disaster area.

Of course, through my awkward junior high years, I wanted so much to have a beautiful smile, and in a totally vain and self-obsessive manner, hated my mouth. In the latter years, and recently, I've learned to live my imperfections and realized that smiling with not-so-great teeth, is better than not smiling at all. I still get really self-conscious though, like when I see a candid photo of myself because my teeth never look right, and I overall just look stupid.

Now I have an opportunity to fix the flaws. But I don't know. I'm conflicted.
1.) None of my siblings got braces. Well, Ci has them now, but she's paying for them. She would have had them when she was younger, but then I was born.
2.) I'm going to have all sort of contraptions in my mouth for the next few years. Years. I will graduate with braces. I will go off to college with braces. And some people can pull of the braces look. I don't think I'll be able to.
3.) I think the second one basically covered it. I want straight teeth, yes. But I don't want the pain and hideousness that comes with having metal jammed in every open crevice in my mouth.

Maybe I'll ask mommy if we can just go and get the situation checked out. See how long it would take. How much money it would be. I'd rather have an out-of-state college education than straight teeth, I think. I don't know.

I honestly can't figure out if I do or do not want this. I should really take the opportunity since it's given to me, but...I don't know. I just...don't know. I feel like I'm too old for this. But I definitely don't want to be getting braces at age 30 or 40.

Why couldn't this have come along 7 years ago?
  • Current Music
    Upset - Blue Sky Roadster