October 4th, 2001

...dreamers

When good days go bad...

Yeah, so if I knew I had 2 hours of calculus homework, maybe I would have started earlier. Or maybe even stayed home tonight. That was insane. I didn't even finish. I did most of it, but I basically gave up because I got to the point where I couldn't think any more and I wouldn't have been absorbing anything I wrote. THAT SUCKED BIG TIME!!

I hate Calculus. I really do. And lovely Mr. Gasper is trying to prepare us for college by not teaching us the info, and merely telling us to use the book. I'm not going to be in college for basically 2 years. START HELPING ME IDIOT!

And tech week is arriving rather rapidly. This means that I'll be at school until 9. I love shows, but gah! So much stress. Just received this in an e-mail:
You must work to schedule your lives, do your homework, eat well and sleep. This is 100% necessary. If you don't do that, you get sick, your school work suffers and then crew suffers too. Be good to yourselves so you can be at your best for us all.
So not going to work. Mega stress starts now. God yesterday was nice. I was in such a good mood. Fuck it all.

I really just need to go to bed so I can make this day end already. Blah.
  • Current Music
    Bitter - Nine Days
...dreamers

"Never go to bed angry..."

As such, I made myself slightly happier by taking the West Wing personality test. My results:
# 1 Ainsley Hayes
# 2 Donna Moss
# 3 Sam Seaborn
# 4 Josh Lyman
# 5 Leo McGarry
# 6 President Jed Bartlet
# 7 CJ Cregg
# 8 Toby Ziegler
# 9 Abbey Bartlet
# 10 Charlie Young

This is so a list of my favorites. Ainsley would actually be 4th and the other 3 would be moved up, but I love Donna, Sam and Josh. They are the best. Leo is awesome too. Charlie is my least favorite...I don't think he's on enough. I can never relate to him (that's probably why he didn't rank highly on the personality match...*light bulb*). I'm a quick one, I swear.

Okay, so a little better now, but still bitterly angry and stressed, and upset and all those yucky emotions.

Yay! Outside! Staind featuring Fred Durst. Happiness is Aaron Lewis and Fred Durst singing in unison. *melt*
  • Current Music
    Outside (yippy!) - performed by my 2 favorite bad boys
...dreamers

"I'll get by with a little help from my friends."

Some what inspirational lyrics from a powerful man. But the issue of "friend" has been on my mind quite a bit today.

I started the morning about as blah-ish as always. When I arrived at school, I actual began my entry then. I was in a pensive mood and knew if I didn't write it down, I'd regret it. You never can perfectly recreate a feeling unless you captured it in some form while it lived.

The original title for the entry was to be "I've had a bad day again..." I seem to be taking song lyrics often. I guess I really like it that way. Songs can say so much.

Start: I've decided that yesterday was a fluke because my continued streak of bad days that make my feel sick, horrible, miserable are back, with no sign of ending. Relentlessly, I am dragged along through the days with no hope of sun tomorrow. On a similar note, it's going to rain today. (Sure enough, it did and continues to currently).

Guh, my stomach hurts again. And I'm all flemmy. I just feel yucky. Why can't I go home now?

This is surprisingly hard for me to write. Even so, I'm pushing myself through my aspirations and hesitations to discuss friends. It's a topic I cherish dearly, and take to the utmost seriousness. I'm guessing it's normal for most people to go through spurts within a group of friends where they hate Linda and only talk to Sally. Or Sally is bugging the hell out of you, and Sue is all the more bitchy. In this case you run to Beth, who is even less of a help, because she had her own issues and it just adds to your stress, and you finally end up exploding at Sally for her annoyance, Sue for her ego-centricism, and Beth because she was just there. It's a vicious cycle.

This only half happens to me. I know that my feelings in these occasions are fleeting, and so I generally keep to myself if someone is bothering me or I can't stand the sight of another.

The closest I get to exploding is stating the fact that I'm not giving my opinion. That I'm neutral. If I openly discuss that I'm Switzerland and have no thoughts on the matter, you can be pretty sure that I'm really annoyed. This is my "letting it out". Never actually stating opinion, merely stating my lack of opinion.

Perhaps this isn't healthy. All I know is that it keeps me from getting in to larger and more severe arguments than before. If I do feel the need to vent, though, I talk to Allie. She is the only one who I consistently am never mad at...ever. I have at times been annoyed and pretty much almost hated every other one of my friends, but never her.

As such, I currently find myself angered by a couple friends and terribly irked by another. (Surprised?) Anyway, I'm fairly certain it will pass. More certain that I'm making something out of nothing, and almost positive that fault is on my end. Not that I'm encouraging them to be irritating as all hell, but me and my rampant emotions are probably taking things the wrong way and blowing the actual to horrendous proportions. As we've already established, I'm an emotional roller-coaster.

That was the end of my entry. I added a few things as I went along, and now find myself bidding thee all farewell, so that I may go make my dinner and watch Friends in the solitude of my own house. I hope you all had a better day than I.
  • Current Music
    Deeper - Dexter Freebish
...dreamers

A little late...but I guess it has slipped my mind.

A reminder to you all...October is Breast Cancer Awareness Month. I myself bought a pink ribbon pin that I have worn since last Friday, and will continue to wear every day through October.

This was a Public Service Announcement. Thank You.
  • Current Music
    Where the Streets Have No Name - U2