September 13th, 2001


Don't know why I'm posting...

I guess it's just to say that I've been so torn up by this ordeal. I wish there was something I could do to help. I feel disconnected half a country away.

I feel like the people around me just aren't experiencing it. At school, it seemed every one was back to their mindless, meaningless consumer-driven lives. I felt like the only one whose thoughts were constantly on the tragedy. And in the two classes it was mentioned in, I felt like the only one who cared. The rest of the people seemed to be thinking "God, can't we just do something normal? I mean, that was yesterday. What does this have to do with me?" I'm sure they weren't thinking this (not all of them at least), but I still felt that, although they acknowledged the crisis, they didn't truly care about it.

Last night, my sister Fayanne called from college. She was alone in her house, and frankly, scared. I admitted that I had been trying to call Ci all night, because I too, was alone in my house, and scared. I think that's the worse part. We don't know what's going to happen, and we no longer feel safe in our own country. Plenty of false alarms have been happening in Chicago. I only live 25 miles out of the city. That's damn close. If anything happened there, god, I would just be devastated.

My sister Emily, is at Disney World for her honeymoon last week and this week. Her flight home was supposed to be Thursday. It got canceled and she currently has tickets home for Saturday. We don't know if she'll actually be coming home then. It might get postponed again. Especially since she's flying into a major airport, O'Hare. I hope she makes it home soon, and safely. I almost wish they were taking a train instead.

It's going to take a long time to recover from this. A very long time.
  • Current Music
    Under the Bridge - Red Hot Chili Peppers

I'm Sorry

To those that have experienced a loss in the recent tragedy
To those that have experienced a loss in a different tragedy
To those that have experienced a loss
To those I may have offended
To those that I ever told I hated
To those I never told I loved
To those that I have ever misjudged
To those that I never stopped to ask how your day was going
To those that

I don't know how to finish this. I'm just...lost.

I don't really know what spawned this. Actually, I do. There was a spider crawling across my bed, and that disgusted me. I hate spiders, I hate that it was on my sheets and pillow, I hate that I have spiders crawling around my room. I grabbed a piece of paper, to either capture it or pin it between the wall and the paper and squish. The spider, instead of crawling on the wall where I could get him, crawled down, between the bed and the wall. I actually yelled at this thing. Out loud. I said "I hope you crawl down there and die!" That's when it happened. I began bawling, not quite sure why. It's just too much for me. I can't handle it all.
  • Current Mood

One Thirty Six and all's well

Just to let you all know, I am now showered, calmed and done with my US History. The most important part, I feel is the calm. I am better now, except for the giant knot in my stomach. I don't foresee that leaving anytime soon though.

I believe in angels, something good in everything I see....
  • Current Music
    Outside - Staind feat. Fred Durst

Today was exceptionally good compared to yesterday

Granted, last week it would have been just another boring day, but now, I recognize that the boring-est of days is still a happy thing. I was in a very good mood. I think I got most of my tension out last night.

Pop quiz in physics on the graphs of the lab that I didn't understand. Blah. I even told time that I was having trouble finding the relationship between the data, and he said we'd go over it. He didn't say we'd be having a quiz on the data that I didn't understand first. I may have been able to guess about 6 of the 12 questions right though. The entire class did pretty sucky anyway.

Had another fairly good day in English. Could have been better. US History was a lot of fun again. I'm really enjoying the class, which is surprising because I hate history. I'm learning a lot though.

Yay Chorus, Theatre and French. Fun classes. Easy classes. A welcome break in the middle of the day. Calculus sucked again. It's just so damn boring everyday, I find it hard to concentrate. Math does that to me. Last year, I almost proclaimed myself as having ADD because sitting though math felt like standing on hot coals for 3 days and not being able to move. It was almost torturous.

Outdoor adventure was great. In the pool without getting wet! We had to get the entire class across in a canoe and two kayaks in the least number of trips possible. We made it in 4, but could have done much better. Either way, I didn't end up with wet yucky hair and smelling like chlorine for the rest of the day.

Play practice was good. I don't really do much yet, but I enjoy watching everything that's going on. It's cool.

Short STUNTS info meeting afterward. It was short. It was informational to students. That was it.

Got a ride home from Allie. Yay Allie's Mom! Tentative lunch set up next Tuesday (we get off of school for Rosh Hashana), so we might go up to the Brat Stop and mini golfing with Ben and Mikey.

That's 'bout it for now. I'm really hungry, and I've only eaten M&Ms today, so I am going to go make dinner. Then start homework. I wonder what Ci is up to tonight...
  • Current Music
    Bad Day - Fuel (in head..rather ironic cus it was a good day