August 28th, 2001


(no subject)

Chaos eventually turns well again. This I have learned. Nothing can possibly stay bad forever.

Talked to Eric. He said that Carl could give me the info for fall play practices tomorrow at the Freshman Info Meeting. This means, no rehearsal tomorrow at 9am. God, I suck so much. I knew there wouldn't be. I just always imagine the worst.

I guess I can unset my alarm for 7:45. I was going to wake up, drive to school and check the call-board tomorrow morning. Now I won't have to be up until 9. *sigh* Relief.

Still worried about the ticket, but what the hell can I do about it? Nothing. It's out of my hands. I will mail it tomorrow and hope nothing goes askew.

I'm writing mommy a note for her credit card and info on the reception for Nik and Amanda.

Isn't it amazing how sometimes you can find a song that totally sums up everything you are feeling? I think this is one of the reasons I love music so much. It's so real, and pure, and *there*
Fuel's Bad Day. Download it now. Please, it's fantastic.

Anyway, little by little, my life is once again re-ordering itself. I will leave you all with this wonderfully true cliche: There's always a light at the end of the tunnel.
  • Current Music
    Bad Day - Fuel


Things around here (journal) have been on the depressing side lately. What I find best is listening to sad music and letting the bad times ride on by. Don't try to fight it, but let it come in, do it's worst, then leave again.

Songs I would recommend to help the sad times pass:
-When I Fall - Barenaked Ladies
-Distance - Evan and Jaron
-Bad Day - Fuel
-Superman - Five For Fighting
-You Don't See Me - Josie and the Pussycats
-Hang (especially acoustic) - Matchbox 20
-Time After Time - Cyndi Lauper (or better yet, the MB20 cover of it)
-Better Man - Pearl Jam
-Outside - Staind
-Dizzy - Tabitha's Secret
-Put Your Lights On - Santana with Everlast
-Bitter - Nine Days

The key to this is, that they can't be upbeat, but they also can't have that huge rock song crescendo. It should stay down beat and down played, nothing happy about it. It will work, I promise.

Will probably make a CD out of this. Good.
  • Current Mood

Sorry...but also,

Somewhere, Someday is officially on my list of heart-wrenching songs (literally). It is number two, right under Distance.

Somewhere there's a field and a river,
you can let your soul run free.

Someday let me be the giver,
Let me bring you peace.

Somewhere there's a break in the weather,
where your heart and your spirit go free.

Someday it will be for the better,
Let this bring you peace.

I'm such a sap. I'm crying again. Fuck.
"Someday it will be for the better". God, I hope so.
  • Current Music
    Somewhere, Someday

(no subject)

I have a knot the size of New Jersey in my stomach. Maybe it's an ulcer. My sister was complaining of having an ulcer a few days ago. Hypochondriac-ism must run in the family.

Took some Excedrin this morning. I can tell already it's going to be a long day.

Meeting sister at the Post Office in a half hour. It should be quick, right? The post office prides itself on their speedy accuracy? I just want to be to school for the meeting by 10:20. 10:25 at the latest. I might bring my school supplies today to drop them off. Book sale is tomorrow, so after that, there will be books in my locker. I think it's a good idea to go a little at a time.

Gah, my stomach is all rumbly (not in an eating way, in an upset way). Definitely not eating breakfast. Don't need any messes.

I should go do something more productive than write in my journal. I'm sure I'll write another quick entry before I go to the post office.
  • Current Music
    E&J cd starting with Distance, it's now on Head to My Heart


That's the mood i'm in. total blah. i hate none capitalized entries, but i'm not in the mood to use the shift key. this ever happen to anyone?

post office went well this morning. once i get money again [ha, that will most likely never happen], i'll pay my sister back.

got to meeting on time. no makeup cus i never came home after the post office, but fuck it. i don't care if i look shiny, or if my skin tone is uneven. i got to talk to the freshmen. i had to explain stunts, and because zach wasn't at the meeting, i'm second in line. made me feel kinda cool.

got info on my fall play meetings. tomorrow from noon to 3:30, thursday from noon to 4:15. it doesn't really conflict with anything, but i'm watching my nephew thursday morning, and i was going to make it a whole day thing [or at least until 4:30 when i had the next freshman info meeting]. now i'll have to 'return' him [for lack of a better word] around 11:45, so i can go to about 5 and a half straight hours of meeting. shit. i love theatre, and i love being part of all of this, but 3 and a half hours wednesday, 5 and a half thursday, and another 3 on friday? fuck.

so much stress. so much busyness. today, the frosh info meeting lasted 45 minutes, then, i got to do my first assistant directing duties by calling people to tell them about the fall play meetings. then, nikki, candace and i went to lunch with steph. mmm...potbelly. really long line. like *really*. it was wrapping around everywhere, but we stayed cus they have such good sandwiches.

nik and candace didn't have a car, so i had to take them back to school from 1:30 until 3 so they could go to arena and change their schedules. i didn't mind much cus they were doing mega-blacktopping work on my street today, so i was avoiding it anyway. dropped them and carly home after, and arrived back here about 3:30.

now, i have to clean part of my room to make room for a full sized bed. my cousin just recently bought the full-sized box spring and mattress, but had a queen sized bed frame. so instead of buying a new bed frame, they are buying a new bed. *shrugs* i don't get it either, but i'm getting a bigger bed so i'm not complaining.

i really don't want to clean though. i'm not even in the mood to use the shift key, how can i coherently organize things? blah

my tummy feels weird. not really hurt, a little swishy, i guess. i don't know if i should try to eat or drink something.

i'm also really tired. i want to nap for 12 hours, then check my email and sleep for another 16 hours. unfortunately, i'm supposed to be going to the movies tonight with steph. i haven't seen her like all summer, so i want to, but i'm so not in the mood. maybe i won't go.

god, i need energy right now. i feel like a blob. and worse off, i'm an emotionally imbalanced blob. not good. i'm in a state right now, where just about anything will set me off to tears. i was reading my sisters journal and cried cus she was talking about how much stress em was under with the wedding saturday. don't know why it made me cry, but it did.

i should i guess clean my room. but i feel like if i start, i'm going to get really aggravated and end up throwing something and breaking it.

  • Current Music
    push [studio acoustic] - mb20

Froggy...the best damn frog ever

This is Froggy. If he were real, he'd be my best friend. He can always cheer me up, or at least is always there when I'm down.

I just thought I'd share him with you all.
  • Current Music
    Distance - Evan and Jaron


My stomach hurts more now. And I have a headache. I drank a Frappuccino to try an wake myself know, the caffeine and stuff. Probably didn't help my stomach.

Ate a plum, incase i needed food. But it made my stomach worse. Almost choked on the Excedrin I just took for my headache.

god, this day is shaping up to be just as good as yesterday. fuck.

also: I apologize for the last post posting twice...don't know what happened, but i can't currently fix it cus LJ is screwy. I also don't know why the picture of Froggy didn't work. If you click here, you can see him. I'll fix the pic as soon as I have access to the "edit entries" command and I figure out what went wrong.

and: this "pensive lance" icon is really good for crappy days. He's not smiling, so it doesn't give a false sense of happiness. And it's in black and white, which is automatically a more "intense" [for lack of a better word] and apparent/clear/easier-to-see-emotion. get it
  • Current Music
    It's Been A While - Staind

(no subject)

1.) "Hopefully we'll figure out what's wrong with BML soon and then everything should be peachy!" This makes me smile. Yay LJ people...using the word "peachy".

2.) Finished cleaning space for my big-girl bed. Don't know when parents will be coming home, but it's done no matter.

3.) Told Candace I won't be coming out tonight. With the way I'm feeling (both sick and stressed), I'm not going to be good company. Besides, I need some downtime. Plan for tonight: find pictures and magazine clippings to decorate my locker with.

4.) Called some fall play people that I couldn't get a hold of early (to inform them of the meetings). Liz still isn't home. I guess I'll try once more later tonight, then in the morning. Hopefully I'll get a hold of her. (by the way: I'm starting to overcome my phone-a-phobia with people around my age. Especially after all the STUNTS calls. Still wouldn't be able to call the doctor or adult peoples. Someday...)

5.) Tummy still hurts, but not as bad. Head feels better, but I can tell it's only cus of the Excedrin. Once it wears off, I will be in pain again.

6.) LJ still being screwy. It's sad, but I couldn't get to the homepage to link to update journal. To get here, I actually knew that the ending was "update.bml?mode=full". so sad.

Gonna go start something. Don't know what, but I need to do something before I die of boredom.
  • Current Music
    Afterschool Special - Blue Sky Roadster

*sigh* And the day finally ends

Ate dinner at Ci's apartment. Was very good. Got to hang around with the kids. Cuties.

Not using subjects in sentences. Very annoying to me. Will stop...soon.

Okay, I'm done with that. It was mildly entertaining, but then was just too much.

I'm a little antsy about the fall play meeting tomorrow. I am the only "crew" person involved in rehearsals. I'm sure I'll be fine once I get used to people there. But I will probably feel kinda alienated at first. Like I don't belong. Yet, I'm doing it to myself. I suck a lot.

Book sale tomorrow at 10. I'll have to get up at 9. I'm giving Carly a ride. Between the book sale and my meeting, I'm decorated my locker. I picked out all the pictures I'm going to use already. So much to do.

Problem. Just found out that my nail appointment on Friday is at 11:30, not 11. And it will probably take 2 hours not one. This means I will be missing more that half of the STUNTS Board meeting. I feel really bad, though technically it's not my fault. When Zach first sent out the e-mail for conflicts, the 31st was not listed as a possible day for meetings. Otherwise, I would have said I couldn't make it at all. Also just found out that rehearsal at the church is at 5:45, meaning I have to leave home at 5. Blah. I will never be home...ever.

I think that's about it. I keep writing about my busy schedule. You probably know it better than I do at this point. By the way, I feel better, though my tummy is still a little antsy.
  • Current Music
    Bullet Proof - Goo Goo Dolls


Don't know why my pictures haven't been linking. My sister tells me that if you go to my site and look at them, then come back to journal, they appear. *shrugs* Don't get it.
  • Current Music
    still Bullet Proof - GGD


So much happiness. I'm currently talking to my friend Jenny, who's at school in Miami. Yay! *smiles*
  • Current Music
    Push (acoustic) - Matchbox 20

Love this song...

And she swears there's nothing wrong
I hear they're playing that same old song
she puts me off and puts me on

Had a bad day again
She said I would not understand
Left a note and said 'I'm sorry I
had a bad day again'.

Bad Day by it.

(no subject)

Love this song too...

I'm beating and battered
Hell if my dreams get shattered then
Pain gives me the right to be unkind

Oh well I'm torn and I'm tattered
So the thoughts in my head they get scattered
And pain gives me the right to be unkind
And it set's me here

Bring it on baby, what you getting into
I swear at once it was the little things that mattered
But it all seems true to you
Say the hell with my name and say the hell with my picture
Yeah but swear for the one time you need me around to be around
Well I'm around right now

excerts from Unkind by Tabitha's Secret


I know none of you really care, but I saw this and it made me happy.

Mary's away message: I didn't have one cigarette all day! And I plan on not having any tommorrow or the day after, and so on and so forth! Wish me luck!

Yay Mer-bear!!
  • Current Music
    3am (piano acoustic) - MB20