August 26th, 2001

...dreamers

That probably ended up being posted 20 times by now...

I was having a might bit of trouble with my last entry, so I don't know if this will post either.

Anyways, my news of the hour is that I now have a webpage. A friend of mine made it for me, but I have now edited it and personalized it. Poofgone. There's not a whole lot there, yet, but hopefully soon, it will at least provide me a place to upload pics so I can insert them into my journal entries.

Check it out if you'd like. If not, that's fine by me.
  • Current Music
    Told You So - Barenaked Ladies
...dreamers

I'm up...I think

Finally dragged my butt out of bed this morning. I guess I feel refreshed though, so I'm happy I'm awake. I guess.

Just deleted the 10 extra posts that weren't supposed to be there. But now they are not, so end of problem.

I bought more Frappuccinos last night. Just drank one. Liquid happiness. Hee hee.

Plan on updating my new website today. I'll be adding more pages, or at least modifying the ones I currently have. Too bad the bank is closed Sundays, or I'd go take money out of my savings and buy a scanner. Mmmm...scanner...

That's about it for now. I'm fairly certain I will be writing more later.

::Musical Selections of the Morning::
*Forever December - Tabitha's Secret
*Back 2 Good (live) - Matchbox 20
*Mercy Mercy Me (live cover) - Matchbox 20
*Everyday is a Winding Road - Sheryl Crow
  • Current Music
    We should have milkmen for frappuccinos...weekly refills
...dreamers

So Close....

I was _this_ close to being able to surf around journal. I got to read my friend's page, then BAM! Error message. Reload less and it will work more often. Screw that...*reload* *reload* *reload* *reload* *reload* *reload* *reload* *reload* *reload* *reload* *reload* *reload*

It didn't work. Damn. Oh well, I didn't think it would.

I spent the morning/into afternoon updating my website and making a program for my sister's wedding. They are both spiffy. I think I should be able to copywrite the wedding program, or at least put a Designed by gail logo. Mommy probably wouldn't approve that. Zut alors.

You should visit my website Poofgone. It's damn cool. Well, it will be damn cool, but for now, it's impressive for a first attempt.

Feel like I need a drink, but since that's illegal for a person of my age...I will have another Frappuccino. (I knew I should have bought 2 4-packs). Mmmm...caffine...the legal addictive drug. Well, that and tobacco. But tobacco's only legal if you are over 18, so the statement still stands as correct.

Must...go...do...something.......away...from...computer.......so...bad...for...eyes...and...health.......
  • Current Music
    Higher - Dexter Freebish
...dreamers

Hmmm....an interesting thought

I was about to decide what to do to leave this house. I know, I though to myself Why don't I go shopping. I could always check out scanners at Best Buy, maybe wander around the mall, pick up more Frappuccinos.

Good, right? It will get me out of the house? Well, why would I go to Best Buy where no one will offer to help me find what I'm looking for anyway, and I have to interact with rude people, and there isn't nearly as big of a selection as I could find on amazon.com. Also, amazon will provide me with actual people reviews, instead of the salesboy saying "Well, I don't really know anyone who owns this scanner, but the box looks professional."

Oh well, I guess I'm stuck indoors. (By the way, no hard feeling to actual Best Buy employees. I usually enjoy employees because they have to put up with the rude people all day, and I try to act as a patient, guiding light, and they usually enjoy helping me, cus I'm nice....like with the Dominick's lady yesterday. I didn't make a single comment about standing around for what had to be 15-20 minutes while she figured out what was wrong. I was completely understanding. Computer systems get screwy sometimes. There's nothing she can do about it. Why would I get angry at her? So I stood quietly and contently until she was able to give me my money. I thanked her and told her to have a good day.)

Amazon.com...here I come!!
  • Current Music
    Slide (acoustic) - Goo Goo Dolls
...dreamers

Have you ever.... or If boredom is contagious, I don't suggest reading this

Been so bored, you can't even sleep? I decided I would take a nap to try to cure my never ending boredom. Didn't work...I just couldn't fall asleep.

Found a couple scanners I want. Don't really have money for these, but I would really like one. Currently wishing I had an ATM card. And that Best Buy didn't just close 7 minutes ago. Oh well.

My website is still...well...there. I haven't put up anything new. Once I get a scanner, I'll be showing off my scrapbook. I'll also be able to post pictures of my kitty, and my room. I can scan concert tickets and other fun stuff. Might made a slash page. With links, and perhaps some original stories. Possibilities are endless.

I really want to get out of the house, but I don't feel social enough to plan a group gathering. I'd rather go do something solo. But there's nothing to do. Especially on Sundays. After 6. While being under 18. I can't even get into an R-rated movie. (70 days. Come on, that's nothing. They should let me in...so close, yet so far away.) Allie only has 33 days, but then again...she can't go with any of us. Ha ha.

Sooooooooo board. Like Mouse Trap, or Life. (Ci will understand that and laugh.)

I find myself as these crossroad broken dreams, and I don't know what tomorrow might bring. Crossroads - Dexter Freebish.

Good song. I suggest downloading it. I wish I had something to download. *shrugs* I can't think of any good songs. Suggestions? PLEASE E-MAIL ME!! I need something to DO!

I'm getting desperate, and that just sucks. I need to get out of here. I need to go do something. Anything. Gaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhh!

Hmmm, watch On the Line trailer over and over and over again? Tempting, but then I'd have to turn off music, and that was the reason I wasn't burning CDs. I wonder what sister is doing. When I left, she and Zoe were cleaning. Blah. Right now that sounds worse that sitting and banging my head against the desk until I find something to do.

I have no energy left. I'm a blob today. I hate being a blob.

Wedding is in 5 days and counting. I feel so unprepared. I should be breaking in my shoes. I should be fasting so my dress fits better. I should be working on getting rid of tan lines. I should be doing something other than sitting at my computer all day.

Yeah, so this entry is sucking a lot. Making me depressed as well as bored, and that's just bad. Must go and ... do something now.
  • Current Music
    You Don't Know What Love Is - Jessica Simpson
...dreamers

Have you ever.... *or* .... If boredom is contagious, I don't suggest reading this

Been so bored, you can't even sleep? I decided I would take a nap to try to cure my never ending boredom. Didn't work...I just couldn't fall asleep.

Found a couple scanners I want. Don't really have money for these, but I would really like one. Currently wishing I had an ATM card. And that Best Buy didn't just close 7 minutes ago. Oh well.

My website is still...well...there. I haven't put up anything new. Once I get a scanner, I'll be showing off my scrapbook. I'll also be able to post pictures of my kitty, and my room. I can scan concert tickets and other fun stuff. Might made a slash page. With links, and perhaps some original stories. Possibilities are endless.

I really want to get out of the house, but I don't feel social enough to plan a group gathering. I'd rather go do something solo. But there's nothing to do. Especially on Sundays. After 6. While being under 18. I can't even get into an R-rated movie. (70 days. Come on, that's nothing. They should let me in...so close, yet so far away.) Allie only has 33 days, but then again...she can't go with any of us. Ha ha.

Sooooooooo board. Like Mouse Trap, or Life. (Ci will understand that and laugh.)

I find myself as these crossroad broken dreams, and I don't know what tomorrow might bring. Crossroads - Dexter Freebish.

Good song. I suggest downloading it. I wish I had something to download. *shrugs* I can't think of any good songs. Suggestions? PLEASE E-MAIL ME!! I need something to DO!

I'm getting desperate, and that just sucks. I need to get out of here. I need to go do something. Anything. Gaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhh!

Hmmm, watch On the Line trailer over and over and over again? Tempting, but then I'd have to turn off music, and that was the reason I wasn't burning CDs. I wonder what sister is doing. When I left, she and Zoe were cleaning. Blah. Right now that sounds worse that sitting and banging my head against the desk until I find something to do.

I have no energy left. I'm a blob today. I hate being a blob.

Wedding is in 5 days and counting. I feel so unprepared. I should be breaking in my shoes. I should be fasting so my dress fits better. I should be working on getting rid of tan lines. I should be doing something other than sitting at my computer all day.

Yeah, so this entry is sucking a lot. Making me depressed as well as bored, and that's just bad. Must go and ... do something now.
  • Current Music
    You Don't Know What Love Is - Jessica Simpson
...dreamers

Yuck (Really long....just a warning)

I hate feeling this way. I hate being here at home, but I don't feel like leaving. There's so much stuff I should (or at lease could) be getting done, but I can't bring myself to do any of it.

I reorganized my CDs, putting all my new ones in their right places alphabetically. I also (finally) got around to burning the Britney CD. I also made a list of all my CDs in an excel file. I have 106 CDs (not including random mixes, but counting 2-disk sets as two). This would usually make me happy, because I love my CDs and organizing them is good. But not now.

I find myself in a rut. I guess I'm one up with the fact that I can identify that I've gotten into another rut. But that doesn't really help to get me out.

I think I might be getting sick. A weird feeling just came over me that screams "hi, I'm a germ, I'm going to make you ill." I'm just glad school doesn't start for over a week. I'm not looking forward to it at all. I'm not ready to get back into that kind of routine. I can't do it, I just can't.

The house is asleep. Both parents are in their beds. Even kitty is having a hard time staying awake, she keeps yawning. This gives me a strange sort of independence though. It's a nice feeling.

It's weird to think that one day I will be old. One day I will be 30. One day I will be 45. One day I will be 60. I don't like that. I don't like that at all. I don't even know what I want to do with my life. Yet, I must decide within the next year. I need to figure out what I want to be, so I can go to school and learn how to be it. What if when I get to being 30, I don't want to be what I wanted to be when I was 17? I change my mind all the time. I become exposed to new ideas and have new experiences. I don't even know what my favorite movie is. There's a lot that I like, but I can't pin-point one that's better than the rest. I have about 10 "favorite" songs at any given time. And those change just about every week. I download a new artist, or hear something on MTV, and all of a sudden, I have a new favorite song, by a new artist, whose CD will become number 107 in my binder. I don't have a favorite book either. And what do I know? I'm 16. I can't legally make a decision about my own well-being, but I'm supposed to decide my future? I don't think that makes sense.

I'm going to make myself dinner. Yes, it's almost nine. Yes, I haven't eaten except a couple mini donuts for breakfast. Wanna make something of it? Go for it. Since 6th grade they've been trying to teach good nutrition. I've had to make 3 "food journals" in that time. Wanna know what? I don't eat enough. I never had. I haven't eaten breakfast on a regular basis since I was 7. I never get 6-11 servings of breads/grains a day. That's just an asinine amount anyways. You'd have to eat constantly to intake that much. Either way, I'm still alive...the doctor says I'm still healthy, so I guess good nutrition is for those decide they want to worry about one more thing in their busy little lives.

I have decided to make this entry long. Really long. Since Journal's screwed up, it's not worth going through the trouble of posting, if it's only to post short stuff. Nope...this is gonna be l o n g.

If metal objects catch on fire (or at least, spark) in microwaves, why do they use it for leftover food? That's just stupid. I have, however, been stupid enough to put tin foil in the microwave. It caught on fire, and scared me a lot, cus I couldn't have been more than eleven. I, luckily, was able to put it out with a cup of water. Wasn't really a crisis, and I learned my lesson.

I want to be someone who is in charge of deciding what songs go on compilation CDs. I would make fun ones. Like songs that have to do with colors. (Like a choral awards concert...on CD! Nevermind, you probably don't get it) Or bands with numbers in the titles. The one I was thinking of today was "settling for less"...Pearl Jam's Better Man, and American Hi-Fi's Flavor of the Week would be examples. I'd have to think harder to find more, but whatever. Or, another idea would be something like "songs with the word "bitter" in them". I actually downloaded a bunch from audiogalaxy yesterday. Bittersweet Symphony, and a bunch of songs entitled Bitter (by artists like Nine Days, and I can't remember the rest). I think people would buy those. I know I would, but I love compilation CDs. And, it's a lot more creative than the "Now!..." CDs. Concept: Lets take the most popular songs we can, and put them all on a CD targeted towards young audiences who will buy crap like this. That's not creative, that's marketing. Bands with "blue" in the name. Deep Blue Something, Blue Sky Roadster, Moody Blues. It would range all genres. Problem: How the hell do you get into an occupation like that? What kind of education would you need for that? Are there schools that specialize in teaching you that sort of stuff? Back to ye olde drawing board.

I think I'm going to make a CD of my current playlist (scroll down to see). So far, these are good songs that are kinda similar. Then again, I'm in control over the music, and it's all stuff I downloaded, so of course I would like it. The question is, would anyone else?

Is the music industry sexist, or is it coincidence that I have more guy-band CDs, and that all of my favorite are men. Hmmm...lets check the CDs, shall we?
Co-ed CDs: 3
Male Oriented: 60
Female Oriented: 13
Soundtracks or Don't Count: 27
Hmmm...interesting. Especially since I have 106 CDs, and that totals to 103. I'm not recounting though. I'd say that over 4 times the amount is a rather significant difference. Oh well. I'm not a feminist, nor did I ever claim to be. If some group of chicks starts writing and singing their music like Matchbox Twenty, Barenaked Ladies, or Dexter Freebish, and I will gladly lend an ear. But there aren't really.

Need a new topic. Searching room for idea. Hair...no. Movies...eh. Music...been there, done that. Clothes...nothing to say. School...hell no. NSYNC...hee hee, not now.

Okay, I realized I just rejected this topic, but "I Though She Knew" just came on, and I literally, started to cry. I'm sitting, listening to sappy nsync music and crying. I feel extremely pathetic. Oh my god. I can't believe myself. It really is a good song though. Worth crying over, right?

*sigh* I'm better now...I think.

Cus I'm in a counting mood....lets see how my mp3s measure up against each other. (these are only the ones that have a lot)...
3 Doors Down: 9
Barenaked Ladies: 21
BBMak: 17
Dexter Freebish: 9
Five For Fighting: 8
Goo Goo Dolls: 12
Guster: 13
Matchbox 20/Twenty: 21
NSYNC: 19
Tabitha's Secret: 9
combine total for songs with Rob Thomas: 30
Of course Robbie wins. He has two bands represented. Technically, Brian Yale and Paul Doucette were also in Tabitha's Secret, so the three of them win with 30. If I had "Smooth" downloaded, Rob would have 31. Anywho...if you are ever wondering why BNL, NSYNC and MB20 seem to pop up on my playlists so often, its cus they are monopolizing the mp3s. I have 354 total right now. The number fluctuates on a rather regular basis though.

Saltines gone...now need water. (trying to prevent sickness...hopefully it will work. I'm not in the mood for the flu.)

Barenaked Ladies are cool cus they use phrases like:
"mouth full of Chicklets",
"I'll lick my wounds, can you pass the salt?",
"Wiped out down the stairs, I bet you there's a song in there",
"I'm so cool, to bad I'm a loser"
"

Skewed logic: Carbonation (like drinking ginger ale) is supposed to help a stomach ache. We don't have any Sprite, so I'm drinking Pepsi. Hmmm...does not compute.

I've been writing this for an hour and a half. It's 10 o'clock now.

Feeling a bit better...maybe I'm one of those people who get cranky when I don't eat on a regular basis. It's probably all psychological (I'm a major hypochondriac...in case you couldn't tell already).

Christmas light really make me happy. I just turned mine on...multi, purple, green, multi, purple/green/orange icicle, another icicle. Hee hee, 4 regular strands, 2 icicle strands. They are pretty, and twinkley.

Hmm...now you know I'm a hypochondriac and I like christmas light. Wanna know more random/quarky stuff about me?? Tough, you're gonna hear it anyway.
-I sleep in a tank top and shorts with a fan on year round, cus I like to cuddle under blankets.
-(along the same lines) I need to be covered when I sleep, so I need a fan on, especially during summer months.
-I have no windows in my room, so if it weren't for the 7 clocks/watches I have in my room, I would never be able to tell what time of day it was
-The separation of days for me, comes between 3 and 4am. If you say you are up at 3, I assume you were staying up late. If you say you are up at 4, I assume you woke up early. That's just the way my mind works.
-I'm not a big fan of mainstream music. If I hear a song and really like it, I'll probably buy the CD. It I like the CD and listen to it enough, the song I first really liked will become my least favorite. (Cases in point: "One Week" - BNL, "Leaving Town" - Dexter Freebish, "Bent" - Matchbox Twenty, "Pop" - NSYNC) Doesn't mean I don't like these songs...they just aren't my favorites.
-I have an unnatural fear of phone calls (but you knew that already)
-The sound of my alarm clock is at a frequency that *irks* me, and with time would make me go completely insane. I can't use it because the sound is so horrible to my ears. (my friends say this happens to everyone, but they don't understand the severity of it...it's like the phone-a-phobia thing, it's unnatural
-I don't get nightmares from horror movies (like Scream or Halloween) but I do for movies like Legends of the Fall, Arachnophobia and Interview With the Vampire (maybe it has to do with Brad Pitt...)
-My music tastes are extensive to the point of bizarre. These CDs find themselves next to each other in my binder...BBMak, Beatles, Beauty and the Beast, Blink 182, Bon Jovi, Eric Clapton, Counting Crows... Disney just doesn't seem to belong next to Blink 182, and Bon Jovi sure as hell doesn't fit in there. But then again ABBA doesn't seem like it should go next to Aerosmith. I'm equal opportunity.


Okay...I think I'm done now...it's been over 2 hours. I wonder if Journal is fixed yet. hmmm...

::Music::
*Alternative Girlfriend - Barenaked Ladies
*Killin' Kind - Shelby Lynn
*Good Riddance - Green Day
*Burning Up - Goo Goo Dolls
*Million Miles - Tabitha's Secret
*Here's to the Night - Eve 6
*Crazy Life - Toad the Wet Sprocket
*When It's Over - Sugar Ray
*Sell Sell Sell - Barenaked Ladies
*You Don't See Me - Josie and the Pussycats
*Put Your Light On - Santana with Everlast
*Radiate - Blue Sky Roadster
*Under the Bridge - Red Hot Chili Peppers
*Born to Fly - Sara Evans
*Lullaby - Shawn Mullins
*I Though She Knew - NSYNC
*Pinch Me - Barenaked Ladies
*Long December - Counting Crows
*Never Do Anything - BNL (to make it fair, I skipped over about 5 songs after Long December cus I didn't want to hear them)
*Gotta Tell You - Samantha Mumba
*Again - BBMak
*Total Eclipse of the Heart - Pat Benitar
*Moondance - (cover) Straight No Chaiser
*Feels Like Home - Chantal Krevaizuk
*Africa - (cover) Straight No Chaiser (that just happened, I didn't skip)
*Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For - U2
*It's Gonna Be Me - NSYNC
*So Long - Guster
*Daughter - Pearl Jam
*When I Fall - BNL (such a fantastic song!!!)
*Windmills of the Mind - Sting
*Wonderland - Dexter Freebish
  • Current Music
    Gonad is not a kid-friendly word. Oh, because groan is?
...dreamers

Yay! Journal is fixed

Umm...that was basically it. Yay? (verbal question mark?)

My last entry took about 2 hours and 20 minutes. I'm insane. K, done now...go home...nothing left to see here...bu-bye

That is all.
  • Current Music
    Superman - Five For Fighting
...dreamers

I want this...

The Distance

The sky has lost it's color
The sun has turned to grey
At least that's how it feels to me
Whenever you're away

I crawl up in the corner
As I watch the minutes pass
Each one brings me closer to
The time when you'll be back
You're coming back

I can't take the distance
I can't take the miles
I can't take the time
Until the next time I see you smile
I can't take the distance
And I'm not ashamed
That I can't take a breath without saying your name
I can brave a hurricane
And still be standing tall when all the dust has settled down
But I can't take the distance

I still believe in feelings
But sometimes I feel too much
I make believe you're close to me
But it ain't close enough
Not nearly close enough

************

This song was written by Evan Lowenstein (of Evan and Jaron), for his wife, and how he felt when he was on the road away from her

Can I tell you what I wouldn't give to have someone say "I can't take the distance, And I'm not ashamed, That I can't take a breath without saying your name"?

People always say how "heart-wrenching" a movie is, or a book, but do they really actually feel it in their hearts? I do when I hear this song. I felt it, and it made me want to grow up and find love, like in some sort of fairy tale.

"I want the fairy tale" - Vivian, Pretty Woman.
  • Current Music
    Tired - Tabitha's Secret