Gail (gailmarie) wrote,

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I knew it wouldn't last...

...I was just too happy the past couple days. Surely I couldn't stay this way. No. Of course not. It's silly to think I could.

Yeah, so I'm fucking pissed off. I keep telling myself that tomorrow is my last day of physics, so that's something to be happy about. But I still have the final. And I'm averaging a 78.1% for the semester. I've never gotten a C on a report card before. I didn't think it bothered me. And in fact, it didn't. Didn't. Now, yes it does.

And I'm pissed because Calculus sucks too. First, it was just that I didn't like it. But now I'm getting to the point where I hate it. And my fucking teacher!! AHHH! He's not a bad guy. I had him for Geometry back in 8th grade (he came over from the high school to teach us "smart kids" because there were 15 of us. Enough for a class). But every other fucking day he mentions how "Next year you will have to do this yourselves" and "In college you will not be handed thing, you will have to work for it". That's all well and good, but I'm not going to be in college next year!!

The smart ones get screwed over.

And I'm not even that smart. Maybe once I was. Back in junior high when I did nothing and got A's on everything. I have an extremely good natural talent at a certain extent. I've passed my point of greatness in most subjects. I'm very good with simple French, and if I took the homework more seriously, I could probably do well. But I don't. Which means that I'm not doing well in French either.

This semester is going to be an eye opener. I'm going to get my report card, and I'm going to cry. I'm going to wonder why I didn't try harder. I'm going to wonder why I'm not as "gifted" as I was before. I'm going to get mad at myself for being too involved and not having enough time for work, and not sleeping enough. Maybe if I had slept more......

I can see the scene already and I haven't even taken my finals. *sighs* I'm not looking forward to that at all. They just seem to be so heavily weighted...and I know they aren't. But I'm going to blow it out of proportion and think that it's what will make or break my grade.

I fucking hate complaining. GAH!

But I feel sick. I have all day. Sore throat that constantly feels like I'm going to throw up. And I can't take deep breaths, I guess because of stress. And I'm such a hypochondriac (is case you haven't noticed) that I've been giving myself headaches, and medicine isn't helping. And, I've almost convinced myself that I have an ulcer.

And I'm cold. I'm shivering, and it's nice out. Chicago weather has been fucked up lately. 57 degrees yesterday. That's like...April weather. January weather is below zero. But I'm still cold.

And I should go. I have my English paper to write. And my French partner is calling later so that we can prepare for our speaking final tomorrow. It's going to be bad. Very bad.

I've also been gritting my teeth a lot (probably where the headaches are coming from). I do that when I'm stressed. BLAH!!!!!!

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