Gail (gailmarie) wrote,

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Ah, Fridays....the rare, but exceptional beauty....

Well, as of about 1pm today, I am home alone for the weekend. Parents out of town, house to self. It's so fantastic. I love living independently. It's so great.

Pep Rally was tonight. It was beaucoup de fun! Very loud, very peppy. Afterward, we were all bouncing off the walls. Due to my lack of inhabitants at home, I invite some people over. Only Allie, Melissa, Nikki and Candace came, though more were offered the opportunity. I prefer small gatherings, so I could have cared less.

We ended up discussing problems. Allie divulged her issue with her Homecoming date, who she thinks of as a friend, but he wants it to be more. Candace is having issues with a guy who's been hitting on her recently. She's not sure if she likes him, but Caitlin does...a lot. However, the guy *kissed* Candace yesterday. She doesn't know what to do. My problem (or at least the one I decided to tell...) involves Calculus. This story deserves it's own paragraph.

Okay, so for a while, I've said how I don't like Calculus. It's gotten worse. I don't know why, but today I almost cried in class. Between boredom, confusion, hatred, and a mix of other emotions, I just wanted to high-tail my ass out of there and never return. Honestly, now I'm considering this a serious problem. I have *never* felt this way about a class, and I still have 8 months left. I don't think I can handle it, but there's nothing I can do. I can't drop, because a lot of colleges want four years of math, and I don't want to automatically eliminate any options because I don't fulfill requirements. If I don't get in, I want it to be because I'm not good enough, not because I didn't take enough math courses.

But it's been over a month, so I can't switch to a different class. I don't really have an option either. There's no where for me to go. Why do I have to be in advanced maths? My sister never even took calculus. She didn't have to. Her last class was Analysis. Damn me and being two years ahead.

Honestly though, I don't know what to do. I don't want to be feeling this way over a class. I feel stupid for wanting to cry because I don't want to be there. It makes me feel spoiled. I don't like it, so I'm going to throw a fit until I get what I want. No. I can't. If it keeps up, maybe I'll go see my counselor. I have a strange feeling it's not just the class. Maybe I have serious mental issues. I've been in a very shitty mood the last few days. I don't know why either.

Maybe I'm overwhelmed. I have a lot of classes. A lot. And they are hard. Very difficult classes. And I have a lot of responsibilities with the Fall Play and everything. My stress level is probably through the roof right about now. Since 7th grade, though, I have lived with an increased level of stress though. I tend to almost not realize it anymore.

Shit. I totally didn't want this to be a vent. Fuck. Main point: I'm having difficulties with Calculus. Major issues. Need to do....something...I guess.

Okay, well, we talked about parents. And stupid policies. And their views on co-ed sleepovers. And that Melissa doesn't have any problems in her life. And how hot Justin is in Gone. Okay, well, I conversed with myself when the video came on MTV. They all left at 10:30.

Well, I have rehearsal at 10 tomorrow morning, so I'm going to have to be up by 9. If I go to bed soon, I can get a lot of sleep.

Before I go though, I have to say how lucky I am to have friends like I do. Well, mostly and especially Allie. We always have this really phenomenal understanding. We usually share the same ideas and opinions, yet we always have something to talk about, or debate about, or laugh about. Every time I talk with her, I realize how incredible our relationship is. I've been friends (and best friends) with her since the end of second grade. Over 8 years. When we graduate, it will be ten. That's a really long time. Over half of our lifetime has been spent as friends, and a huge majority of our conscious lifetime (because you really don't have many memories about your life before age 5). It's really amazing, and I cherish our friendship so much. I firmly believe that we will continue to be friends for the rest of our lives, or at least I hope so. This isn't something you see everyday.

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